~This is NOT Harry Potters Wand~

This Blog is very sexually explicit almost XXX rated, so if you embarrass easy, you may want to skip this blog. I will not be offended. As I truly am not here to offend or embarrass anyone, especially close friends, or you mom. *shrieks a little*.

Before I even start this blog, let me give you a little reference material.

MAGIC WAND:

A thin rod brandished wand that is used in conjuring or performing magic tricks.

This is the definition and image you get when looking up magic wand in the dictionary. This is not however the magic wand I am referring too. Sorry Harry Potter Fans, LoL.

  

BUT THIS MAGIC WAND IS:

The Hitachi Magic Wand is a clitoral stimulation vibrator that plugs in (no batteries, good for the environment, and you won’t run out of power at the critical moment !) This is perhaps the world’s most popular vibrator.Its strong vibration makes it an unfailing friend in masturbation, and its symmetrical shape makes it a natural for partnered, face-to-face fun. For women who are looking for their first orgasm, the electric vibrations will awaken a slumbering clitoris very effectively. The Wand provides strong, steady stimulation.It’s a must for postmenopausal women who are beginning to lose interest in sex.Two speeds, spongy head.

First things first, if your toy collection does not include this, order one NOW, even it you hate it, it’s still one of those toys you have to try. The magic wand has been around for quite some time, I believe it came out in the 1970’s so I assure you I was not familiar with it and its use’s at that time. As I was like uhmm just born, lol. (It was originally used for muscles as stated in the definition above) I have used it on sore muscles in my neck, shoulder blades and even a sciatic nerve problem once and it worked fabulous. But recently it has been made legendary by “Sex in the City” and  BDSM type books like “50 shades of Grey” and a few other sex, smut book series, which I of course love to read, *blushes

For buying purposes, I know that they sell it in sex stores with tons of add on’s and gadgets. I personally think what YOU see above is all you need. There are many sites that sell it, I find this one to be reasonable.

http://www.nitetimetoys.com/vibrators/wand-massagers/the-hitachi-magic-wand?gclid=CIL2hZTTiMECFccRMwodRmAAUA

Watch out for imitations, the one above is the original. I have had friends order the pink one or the green one, but it come’s and it is NOT the original, so shop around. You get what you pay for. I would also not recommend buying this toy at Walmart, Costco or Kmart if you happen to find one there, as it just sounds wrong on so many levels, LoL.

It is a plug in toy and yes you can use an extension cord, LoL. Actually if your using an extension cord I would love to hear your story, for example, Are you walking around the house with this, or have you taken it over the to the neighbors for ladies night or the morning coffee club? NOW, that would be a blog/story, *laughs loudly*.

If you are a first time vibrator user, this is not the toy for you. It has some startling, almost overwhelming horsepower, it has two speeds, low and high, 5,000 rpm vs 6,000 rpm and I know, you just spit your soda with shock and disbelief. Well, wipe your face off and calm your nerves, I was NOT kidding. I personally can not use this toy on high and probably never will. What can I say, I’m a lightweight, LoL.

With the kind of power this toy puts out, it is not quiet, this is not a toy you want to play with when anyone is even close, when your baby is napping, when your teenage girls are upstairs. Unless you have an unbreakable lock on your bedroom door and have very loud music playing, as the noise it makes is one thing, the noise it will MAKE you make is another, LMAO. Seriously, you may want to go hangout in the garage as neighbors, spouses, the mail man or whoever else may just happen to walk by,  This way they wont know your trying to vibrate yourself into a orgasmic coma but that instead your playing with power tools or welding something or some shit like that *laughs hysterically*.

Now to the head of this toy, it resembles a microphone. But please don’t take this to karaoke night, as they will never invite you back, well maybe, *evil smile*. I have put it to my lips out of curiosity, it will vibrate them right off your face….*bzzzzzz*. Most importantly, do not stick this toy where the sun don’t shine, without the attachments it is an external toy only and I have no experience with attachments so let me state again it is an external stimulation type toy. Unless you want to be a bad (hilarious) story the ER doctors and nurses tell for years to come, do NOT stick it in anything, that includes water, you will be electrocuted, once again a story you do NOT want people to be telling, “Oh Remember that girl who…………” you know how that story ends, you’ll never be invited to another PTA meeting again, LoL.

For all you men that find yourself on my page, yes this can be used on you, I’m not a professional hitachi master but it can be put on your nipples, your balls and in between them and your rectum for very intense stimulation.. But I wouldn’t recommend this as it will be all over for you in like 60 seconds flat *sighs*.

It also can be used solo or as “a couples” toy, taking turns, you know massaging each others necks, legs, shoulders, LoL. Okay, Okay and all the other erogenous zones. It is very very intense, at least for me, almost too intense. For many women it causes mind blowing, eye’s rolling, screaming like a porn star type O’s and I am not talking about Oprah Winfrey here. Very intense orgasms and very quickly, it also can cause “squirting”, so put down a towel or two, LoL.

I am mortified to be putting this definition down but for those who may not know what squirting is:

Squirting: when a woman has an orgasm with female ejaculate cause spurt, stream or jet of fluid.

Cleaning of this toy, well as you don’t insert it in any place, Good old fashion soap and water works best. I do know they make toy cleaners, but I just don’t trust the chemicals in those things, I mean think where it has been or is going, unless you want to grow a green patch of hair and an extra leg. Id bypass the sex toy cleaner, but hey that’s just me.

So, if your ready for the Cadillac of sex toys, then this is a must buy, maybe put it on your XMAS list, I am sure Santa would love to come down your chimney with this gift, *har har har* He may even think your a little Ho, Ho, Ho, *chuckles*.

Disclaimer:
If you break this toy or burn out the motor out, I think you need to see a therapist STAT, as you may be a masterbation addict or nympho or both, LoL.

This is the ONE toy every girl want’s to give their best girlfriend, a bride to be, a divorcee, the menopausal chick and it’s every toy a guy wants to buy his girl, well I’m not even giving you a visual on that one. Use your imagination. But most are just too shy to talk about, buy it or try it.

Don’t be shy, give it a try, because it truly is:

Happy Magic Wanding….~!!

~Dating the One Night Stand~

So, you just had a one night stand.

It was amazing, the guy/girl was great, the sex was great, but the night ends and poof, Now what ? Is it possible to go back and be friends or better yet, date this guy/girl? Or have you both doomed yourselves to at the most “FWB”? This is an age old question.

Let me tell you what I think. I believe relationships of any kind are built on trust, communication, mutual respect, attraction and effort.

Let me state:

If the guy/girl just used you, or seems disinterested DO NOT try to have a relationship with him or her!!!

Now where was I, oh yeah, Attraction, well apparently your already attracted to each other, as you were already rolling around in the sheets with him/her, LoL.

Effort, this one in theory sounds simple, are you both willing to take the time it’s going to take to form a relationship? Talking, Hanging-out, texting, getting to know one another in non sexual situations and conversations? Sounds easy right?

Well, when they show up at your door for a date, looking absolutely gorgeous and you end up ravaging them right there on your steps in front of the neighbors, the priest from down the street, who happened to just be driving by and a little dog named Toto too, then what? *snickers*.  

Because it is going to be hard, almost near impossible to not want physical contact with someone you have already had sex with, especially knowing the sex is/was GREAT. I mean really, hangout with the same person that made your heart race, palms sweat and induced multiple orgasms literally wearing  you out so much you thought you were gonna need an IV because of dehydration?  LoL. Good luck with that.

May I add, will you be able to refrain from sex skyping all night long when the kids are sleeping and/or sending naked pics to each other during the day at work? Because this is a common part of relationships in this decade, the social networking era. If you don’t believe me, Ask Jennifer Lawrence, *smiles*.

Now, I know I have some frugal up tight bitch saying, AS IF, as if what, I saw the pic you sent my man last week, while you were at work, while your kids were at day care and ToTo was at home alone, eating a bone.  So don’t even go there, LoL.

I think you got my point on effort right? Okay, good, Let’s move on.

Communication, well this is a no brainer, if you both have talked about backing up and trying a relationship and are both ready and committed to give it a go, mind you with no sex for however long it takes or whatever you both have agreed on then fabulous.

The key is to always be open and honest about what you want, think, feel and need. Many times people are AFRAID to be open and honest and then they are upset that they aren’t getting what they want out of the relationship or they assume their partner doesn’t understand them.  Well hello clueless, they can’t provide your needs/wants/desires/concerns  if YOU don’t tell them what they are. Duh. I don’t need to say anymore!

Respect, I believe respect is earned, so your on your own with this one, LoL.

Trust, this is HUGE. I think this IS the most important thing in ANY relationship, let me throw up the definition, so were all on the same page here.

TRUST

 Belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

 

To truly trust someone in a relationship, you are putting your heart on the line.  You know that any moment this person could and has the capability of breaking your heart and hurting you, but you still give it freely having faith (trust) that they wont. I believe if you go into any relationship thinking negative, thinking from the get go that they are going to hurt you, well then why even bother? It’s not fair to them or you. If you already have them judged, tried and sentenced. Save your time and theirs. No one deserves negative, emotionally damaged Ned/Nancy.

 

I personally think the majority of relationships that end and or fail are solely based on lack or loss of trust, period.

 

So, it’s been a few weeks and you still adore this person’s personality, they haven’t got you wanting to run for the hills, they haven’t driven you completely insane, your still enjoying their conversation and company AND you have actually made it past date two without ravaging them like something straight off  the pages of 50 Shades of Grey.   Well then my friend it sounds promising  that you may be able to date your one night stand. If not, hey, “Sex and the city” has made “FWB” quite the “IN” thing to do these days, so whatever you decide, YES I do think you can, but it wont be easy.

 

Good Luck and May the FORCE be with you!!

~Woot Woot I’m Movin On Up~

I’m Moving on up, Woot Woot…~!!

Look at what I got:

That’s Right, 5 Followers, giving me a grand whopping total of 7.

I know, I know, you can barely hold back the applause *bows*

I’m excited. Really, I am, LoL.

Thank you to everyone reading, following, liking and commenting.

YOU ARE…~!!!

My next goal is 15.

So, Don’t be shy, share my blogs with a friend.

I like to be shared, really I do, LoL.

~Mom, I Gotta Poop~

I’m getting ready to sit down and have a nice family dinner, you know the kind where you have slaved over the stove for hours ??

(Okay, we had Tacos and Tater Tots, lol)

Dinners done and I “yell” for the girls to come eat, they load up a plate and take it to anywhere in the house but by me. Pssh, I mean so much for family time, huh?

So instead of sitting by myself at the kitchen table, I drag a plate of food and a cold diet coke into the living room. I start eating when out of the blue my youngest daughter yells.

“Mom, I really gotta poop, then I’m gonna eat the rest of the tater tots”.

Uhmm, okay?

Now had this been the first time she yelled out something like this, I would of just thought she didn’t want me to eat the rest of the tater tots. But this is not the first time as she tends to tell me often when she has to poop.

(You know when your child is like 3 this info is actually cute and encouraged) But she’s 13.

So this has me thinking, Why? So I run to Google, as Google will definitely have the answer, lol.

I google “Why do your kids tell you when they have to poop”

http://wellnessmama.com/13023/poop-normal/

Uhmmmmmmmmm, LoL.

I got an entire page of similar posts. This is NOT really what I was looking for Google, thanks for answering my question, pfft.

I understand everyone poops *chuckles* but I guess the mystery will never be solved on why my daughter shares this info with me. I guess I could ask her, but as odd as it seems for her to tell me. I feel even odder asking her WHY.

Sidenote: I guess it’s a good thing I got the bathroom stocked with toilet paper, LoL.

~Dead Cat Walking~

I bet that title has all the animal lovers in an uproar, well simmer down. I am not about to kill my daughter’s cat. As it has taken off and I’m too lazy to chase it all around the house, LoL. But tomorrow morning don’t think I’m not gonna try to leave the door open all day so it (hopefully) happens to “WANT” to go outside. Just don’t tell my daughter, Let’s go with it ran away, okay?

Seriously, this cat is possessed, it is not friendly, at all. I mean seriously it’s not. I know you think I’m exaggerating or just not a cat lover, but I mean this cat, it has some serious demon issues. The only time it is a tad bit friendly is early in the am when you decide to do a very, very, very early am trip to the bathroom, like 4 am early and you have to be seated, toilet paper in hand, ready to wipe even, that is when this cat is at it’s friendliest, oh and did I mention you have to have the water running a bit and NO that’s not for me to be able to go potty, I only do that trick when I’m at friends house or have company. as no one wants to hear someone peeing, Okay, I’m getting off track here, LoL.

Back to the demon cat, so I’m peeing, toliet paper in hand, and the cat will come up and purr, now I assure you this is the ONLY time you will here this cat purr. So, you assume it’s safe and pet the kitty’s head, because oh yes for about two moments you are like, “Oh pretty kitty”, and you rub it’s head and it’s ears and your like “Oh, this cat isn’t so bad and then BAM it has a hold of your hand, teeth deep into the skin and all you can think is WTF, why do I do this every morning.

Yeah anyway, demon cat is going outside tomorrow, door will be open, lol.

Until then, I am off to check the rest of the house for cat puke as I just almost took a header aka nose dive sliding through a pound of it, for some reason demon cat can’t just puke a little, it’s like something out of “The Exorcist”. Worse yet, I have washed my foot 3 times and I can still smell it. Now I wanna puke. *gags a little*.

FREE CAT to good home, LoL.

 

“Theme Hell”

Frustrated…!!

101 themes later and I have yet to find one that fits my personality, oh and the ones I do like, there premium. I guess I need to get a real job. (Facebook and Blogging) not a real job? LoL, who knew.

So basically if every day you stop by and I have a new theme, you just gotta deal with it, because until I find one in the “FREE” section your stuck with my indecisiveness.

“Goodbye LiL Camper”

Today a huge chapter in my life is over, my little summer get away is no more. My camper is sold and will be gone in a few short days. I can’t even find it in me to clean it out and strip it bare.

Now mind you this little camper is/was nothing special to look at, it’s old and ugly and been through the years (and then there was the tornado of 2010). So when driving by, you just couldn’t imagine that inside this little camper was a lil piece of heaven.

But this little camper has provided me with some of the happiest times of my life and I like to hope my children’s too. This little camper has some history. It was given to me by a great friend as she was going through a divorce and decided to buy something new, I was ecstatic because at the time I was sharing a camper with my mom, dad (before he passed away), my 3 kids, her dog and my little dog too. Her camper was beautiful, but wow I was gonna own my own.

So, I gutted it out and started new, new wallpaper, new paint, new flooring, new knick knacks, my little touches added. It was my little home away from home.

“LiL” Living Room”

“Small but oh so cozy”

“My favorite Blue Swiveling Chairs”

“My Girls Charming Lil Bedroom”

“The LiL Kitchen”

I’ll spare you from posting a pic of the bathroom, but yeah it was cute as hell too.

I knew this day was coming, but really didn’t think it would be so hard. I know its like any other chapter in one’s life, you have to let go to move on. But I have so many memories, from drinking coffee every morning on the blue swiveling chairs, too late nights, drinking whiskey playing music at the tiny table, too waking up with a sore neck because I slept on the futon wrong, too never using the shower as it felt like you may fall through the floor to the ground, LoL.
(It was purely for decorative purposes).

Campfires, Smore’s, Bingo on the weekends, Chili Dumps and Dances, Sitting poolside with great friends, Driving a golf cart around and around the park will be no more.

Camper life is so simple, you can drink and drive home, late nights are expected, the kids make so many new friends, the memories are almost limitless. Memories made that will be cherished and never forgotten.

Though this little camper had fallen apart it definitely holds and always will, a huge piece of my heart. I hope that people who have bought you now, find as much happiness and memories that can be found.

“Taking a look back”

Wow, I just went back and looked through everything I have posted on facebook through the years and I have said some very profound things. Things that really show you the other side of me, the loving, selfless girl, who loves her life, the world and everything she has had and lost in it. I have suffered great loss but yet still seem to be that girl who really does try to see the good in everything and everyone.

I wrote about wonderful relationships between friends and family members. I truly have had an amazing life. I have experienced so much even though I really have not traveled afar. I have been loved unconditionally by the close circle of people I have had in my life.

Have I changed, is my life that much different, or am I just looking at it differently? I have most all of the same people in my life, childhood friends have grown up and of course we will never have the relationships we once did. But I have the memories and I can surely make new ones. I have lost some mates along the way, but those were learning experiences. Every failed relationship is bringing me one step closer to the right one. I have new friends, amazing friends, that make my life brighter just by being a part of it, I am lucky to have each and everyone of them in my life.

But their are also people I have lost, that I will never be able to bring back, there will be no more memories made and that is really sad to have to think about. Losing someone is the hardest thing I think anyone has to go through, your not just left with the amazing memories but that fact that you will never be able to make new ones. I do hope that life continues in heaven as in does on earth. That I will be able to hug my dad again and have a talk with my grandpa.

I miss that simple life I write about on facebook, I miss the silly simple girl with such a happy heart. I seem to be more cynical and sarcastic these days. You’d think with all the Tony Robbins and Robin Sharma’s of the world, I’d be walking around with sunshine coming out of my ass and yeah I guess on most days I am, LoL.

But on those days I’m not why am I not remembering what I have in my life, the awesome amazing people I write about so often on my page, the people I spend time with. The people who check in on me, as I check in on them. Why do I not remember that even the people I lost still love me and are still here holding my hand, I just cant see or feel it. I don’t believe I have become negative or a pessimist by all means. But I really think I’m simply forgetting all that I am, all that I have to offer and all that I truly have.

When recently hurt. I really wasn’t sure I was coming out of the darkness. I had gave my heart fully and it was completely broken. It was a loss almost more than I thought I could bear. I reached out and people helped me. People from all places, distances, even some of the most unlikely people helped me pull my self together, brush myself off and move forward.

I should know just from that experience anything is possible, we survive death of loved ones, break ups, but somehow we endure the pain and we go on. Isn’t that in itself a miracle. The strong survive, and I am strong as I have survived. Now Im not trying to compare a break up with the loss of a loved one, but a loss is a loss and regardless we either make it through or we don’t and I thank everyone and GOD that I made it through all the losses I have in my lifetime.

I can wake up tomorrow, I can pour myself that coffee and realize as I wrote in my first paragraph. I have an amazing life, I have amazing friends and family and there are gonna be bad days, really really bad days but there is also gonna be good days, great days, amazing days…~!!

Well, here’s to always being able to have that serious side that sees amazing things and writes profound stuff, but here’s to keeping the silly simple side of me that has no problem laughing at myself and writing talking with some wit, sarcasm, cynicism and yeah a bit of snark. I gotta balance all this crazy out somehow, right…??

As the joker would say….why so serious…??

~I’ll take what she’s smoking~

Yeah, So I’m sitting on my bed, hiding from my kids drinking coffee in my room and reading blogs. Now while I think I’m a glass half full type girl, there are far too many happy bloggers who want to inspire the world one blog at at time. Hey, If I inspire you by all means, Hooray for me. But somehow I think after a few days of reading my blogs, you’ll be anything but inspired, more like ready to check yourself into the nearest mental hospital. Which if that happens, get me a room too please, maybe we can get a discount or something..? Ok, where was I, lol. Wait hold on a minute, I should of probably of warned you I’m ADHD and a Gemini, (scary combo) I will be random and all over the place with my thoughts and writings. So bare with me. Ok, really where was I, oh yeah the happy bloggers who are all about proper alignment, spacing and spelling. Screw that, it’s a blog. Its not English class, I’m not being graded. I am educated but really, is it gonna matter if I misspell or paragraph shit right…?? I think not and if my readers happen to be that anal, well kiss my butt in advance, lol.

So, I come along this blogger, who as I said wants to inspire people, her life is all happy and shit and I quote she says “its magical” really, and she is doing a series on her blog site to help you make your life magical too, Really now, I hope she plans on paying my bills, finding me a good otc box color for my blonde hair, finding me the perfect man, making sure I have amazing sex for the rest of my life and sharing whatever it is she’s smoking, that would be a nice start to a magical life, can I get an amen…?? LoL..~

Oh, btw if you want the link to her magical life series, hit me up…~!!

“Seriously”

Seriously, I need some Xanax today. Is it normal to want to strangle my kids…? Both of them, at the same time even, lol. Both girls are now home with pink eye, this just keeps getting better by the moment, ugh and they feel the need to scream and fight over the xbox. So like any good mom, I take the xbox away. Do you think that solved anything, nope, instead they start beating each other up. I mean really you both have pink eye, eww, quit touching each other, morons, lol sorry…~ Sometimes, this is really NOT what I signed up for. What happened to the white picket fence, me wearing a 1960’s dress and small heel and drinking a cocktail with my hair and makeup on in the middle of the afternoon and my perfect kids acting perfectly normal. You know the life where your dogs never pee on the floor, the lawn is always mowed (no pun intended) and your house is never a mess and smells like fresh baked cookies and your hubby rushes in with flowers and says “honey Im home”, instead im living a life some thing more like any housewives of whatever state or county and “the amytville horror” and when my ex to be comes in, he sounds and looks more like jack nicholson in ‘the shining” “HONEY, IM HOME” ….~!!