Where's My Xanax?

~6-1-2015~

Today’s Monday Mantra:

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Happy Monday, Have a Super Duper Week…~!!

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~5-25-2015~

This Week’s Monday Mantra:

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Happy  Monday…~!!

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~Oh Hell No~

Where the hell is Lisa…??

Seems like not to long ago. I was separated/single, blogging about my ex. Cynical, comical, outrageous even. Now I find myself wanting to bake, leave notes on the mirror and attend to a man. What the hell has happened to me? OMG, did I fall in love…*shrieks*..~!!

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To be Continued………….~!!

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~What a Bad Idea~

Sorry Elly and Brian...~!!

Sorry Elly and Brian…~!!

Who ever came up with the idea that raking leaves is a good idea or even needed is a complete idiot *scowls*.

I felt motivated and anxious to get in the sun yesterday, so I decided I’d rake the leaves. Well, after 3 hours, half the yard is done, I have blisters on my hands, a slight sunburn and I can barely move today *sighs*.

But that is just the beginning. Have you ever raked leaves?

Is it just me, or does everyone have the problem of raking them into piles and then for some reason a gust of wind comes by and blows them out of your huge neat pile?

I raced frantically to get them back into tidy piles, one leaf at a time even *shrieks* and I think I spent an hour just making sure every leaf was off my yard, is this normal? *chuckles*.

Half of my yard looks fabulous today, but now I’m going to avoid doing the other half. So I’ll be only hanging out in half my yard this summer *shrugs*.

Raking really is a serious commitment, once you start, Look out!

With that said, I have come up with a little list of to do’s and dont’s when going out to rake.

1. Don’t try using a leaf blower. While this sounded so great in theory it really doesn’t work. In fact it made it worse, it took leaves to parts of the yard I didn’t even start and did you know that dogs hate those things? They chased me around the yard trying to bite me. It took me 12 minutes to realize that it was the leaf blower freaking them out. I did get a good cardio work out though *smiles*.

2. DO NOT try burning your leaves, especially without a hose hooked up. I live in a fenced in yard so yeah I thought I’ll just burn these piles, No one will know, see, so who needs a fire permit. Well, first off, it too is great in theory. But as I lighted the pile it ignited very fast and with a bit of wind. I realized I was in over my head and with no hose. I wasted 2 full Diet Cokes I had outside to put out my small brush fire *screams in fear*.

3. Hire a neighbor kid to bag leaves, as I realized it takes longer to bag leaves as it does to rake them. Oh wait, I have 2 girls, what was I even doing out raking in the first place, damn kids. This is why I had you, to shovel, rake and clean the house *winks*.

'Hey, it beats the heck out of raking.'

4. A Vaccum or shop vac doesn’t work *cries*. Well maybe if you have outlets close by and 300 feet of extensions cords?

5. Don’t be alarmed when small animals come jumping out at you. As their home was that leaf pile. I blew a rabbit near to death, no pun intended, just one more reason NOT to use the leaf blower.

6. Don’t shower before raking, as you will be covered in dirt, caterpillar guts and yes last years dog shit. I really need to do a better job in picking up shit around the yard *shrugs* on yeah and sweat as raking is hard manual labor which I have realized I am not cut out for.

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7. Use a mower with a bag. I am thinking this is worth the money. Runs out to Walmart to buy one before I even think about doing the other half of my yard *counts the money in her wallet*.

It just occurred to me, I have two do’s and a whole lot of dont’s probably cause raking blows and someone else should do it for me or I’ll just avoid raking all together. I’ll just lock the gate to my back yard and just avoid or move to the desert where there are NO trees or the beach *nods*.

I really started out with the idea that it would be fun, I’d get some sun and work done.

Really, what the fuck was I thinking…???

Happy Raking!

Oh before I go, a little facts that I’m sure you want to know before heading out to rake or NOT.

http://landscaping.about.com/od/landscapecolor/f/why_rake_leaves.htm

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~Tattoo or No Tattoo~

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Tattoo or Not To Tattoo?

Which is it for YOU and Why?

If you have one, what is it of and does it have a special meaning?

Inquiring minds aka ME want to know.

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~Diamond In The Mud~

A friend of mine was very depressed today after realizing that she has a problem with co-dependency in her romantic relationships. While she knew that this awareness is the first step toward healing the pattern, she felt upset and ashamed to be “such a flawed human being”.

I told her what I am about to tell you. Every single one of us is struggling with attitudes and behaviors that are self-defeating. Some of our demons have diagnoses and labels attached to them such as co-dependency or alcoholism. Others are not so clearly defined but still have us unhappy at times. Please remember that we all have our problems.

When we end our denial and admit we have a problem it does NOT mean we are unworthy and flawed or that we should feel ashamed of ourselves. In reality our self defeating patterns. Every single one of them, Began as survival strategies in response to our dysfunctional families, societies, cultures and religions. Instead of self-blame and self-doubt, have complete self-compassion for the pain that created them. And with love keeping your eyes wide open, never lose sight of the total beauty and worthiness of YOU!

A diamond that was dropped in the mud is still a diamond! It just needs to be cleaned for its radiant perfection to be revealed. Whatever your demons, whatever you are struggling with. Every one of you is a diamond. Perfect. Flawless. Magnificent. Wash your Diamond Self with Unconditional Love for YOURSELF so that your beautiful inner light can happily shine through.

shinebright

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~Let’s Clean The Toliet~

Lisa's How To Clean!

Lisa’s How To Clean!

Lisa returns *smiles*.

It’s lets learn “how to clean the toliet bowl” are you ready?

Now let me state, this is one area I never slacked at. I am anal about having a clean toliet bowl.

Things you will need:

Whiskey, Wine or Other Alcoholic Beverage

Either or are mandatory. You can’t clean a dirty toliet sober. So DRINK up girlz *pours you a drink*.

Rubber Gloves

Now this is a must unless you want old feces and pee on your hands, in your nails.

Mr Clean Anti bacterial

Other cleaners work but I love this one and it smells GREAT too. (Bleach is normally used)

A Toliet Brush

One you can duck tape to a pole is great, then you wont need the splash back hazmat suit *chuckles*. I also recommend one that has the rim cleaner.it will save you time and trust me you’ll want to spend as little time on your knees in front of the toliet as you can.

Sidenote

the ONLY time being kneeled in front of the toliet is a nice is when your puking and its now your porcelain god, oh how nice that cold seat feels on your forehead as your heaving up your gutts and everything you drank and ate the last 12 hours. This is also why you should clean your toliet bowl often as if your not sick enough you don’t want to be leaning against or sitting in front of a dirty toliet bowl *gags just thinking about it*

A heavy duty toliet tank cleaner

Put this in the tank, it leaves a fresh scent in the toliet for up to 30 days.

Pick one, just not one from the dollar store, its not really that useful.

Cleaning the toliet bowl should never be somewhere you cut the budget.

So, your ready to go, If you have long hair, I recommend you put into a ponytails. As disastrous stuff can happen if its down.

You don’t wan’t me to give you any more details or visuals, trust me on this one!

I also recommend a clothes pin to put on your nose, if you have any smell issues or don’t clean your bowl often.

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Old poop and pee, yeah not so good for the sense of smell *pukes a little*.

Okay, so you got your gloves on, right? your clothespin on, right? Your cleaner and brush ready, right?

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Pour Mr Clean directly into the bowl.

Take the brush and scrub inside, make sure to get up and around the ring as that is where MOST yukkies can be found *shrieks*.

(Somehow I really hope you know how to do this step already, if not I am not sure what to even say to you)

Flush Twice and Repeat.

Take some paper toweling and soak it with Mr Clean and scrub the rim, outside of toliet and back. Clean Thoroughly. I recommend using a different piece of paper toweling for each action, but I shouldn’t have to tell you why? Right?

I think cleaning the toliet should be the first step in bathroom cleaning. That way you can scrub down the rest on your way out. So its sanitized and ready for new poop and pee. *god did i just type that*.

housework rules

“Said NO woman ever”

Before cleaning the rest, it is key you clean the brush.

Hold the brush in the toilet and flush. Let the water clean the brush off so you don’t have to. To allow the brush to drip-dry, hold it on the rim and put the seat down. Let the brush sit for a few minutes and then replace it dry into the brush container (if it is wet and it goes back in, you get nasty build up).

Once that is put away, scrub the shower, vanity and lastly the floor. Don’t forget to anti bacterial the light switch as sometimes don’t wash their hands good or at all. *eeeks germs*.

Do this 2x a week if not more and you will be housewife of the year in no time.

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See how much you can learn from me *chuckles*.

I’m telling you, “stick with me” I’m useful in useless information.

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~Cock Size~

Does size matter?

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What is considered small? What is considered big?

What is too small. I mean can you find pleasure in 4 inches?

Is there a size considered TOO big?

Would you rather half length or girth?

I know, I know. Every small dicked man is now going to comment, it’s how you use it and why yes I do agree with that. I am sorry a 4 inch penis *just laughs*. I just can’t see the pleasure in that *ponders*.

For the reasoning behind “Will a big dick fit”?

Well here is a little info:

The actual vagina is like an elastic band. It is accommodating to the size depending on how relaxed the internal muscles are. Forcing it will cause tearing, forcing it because some other girl “took it all” can result in tearing. The issue is the cervix. You can push and push because technically the vagina will be trying to find a pocket of muscle to allow the penis to go in, and there are slight pockets beside the cervix and uterus, but once the cervix is hit it is basically game over. Either it hurts the woman, porn is a horrible example for this because they are told to keep quiet and just do the shot, but real women can be really hurt by the pain of a cervix getting slammed and therefore say do not push anymore and don’t get me wrong there are REAL women who enjoy the pain in pleasure of it and can take it like a porn star. But that is consensual and between parties involved and they are putting their cervix on the line *nods*.

So, inquiring minds aka Me want to know what you think, Does size matter? I guess whatever your choice have fun, be safe and:

cockenjoy

A little cock poem for you, no pun intended!

“LONG IN THIN, GOES WAY IN, SHORT AND THICK, NOW THAT’S A PRICK”. *chuckles*.

21 Comments »

~Serial Dater~

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I have been pondering for awhile about love and relationships or maybe not the actual relationship but the months to follow after a relationship comes to an end. I know we all handle being heartbroken in different ways and in different amounts of time. I have always heard it takes 1/2 the amount of time you were together to get over someone. I don’t know if I buy that. I do know that it is a hard and an awful experience for anyone to go through and this blog is not about being heartbroken. But trust me at some point, that blog will be posted *smiles*.

This blog is about the types of men/women aka Serial Daters who go from one relationship to the next with little to no time in between. I mean who does that and Why? How do you truly let go and move on, if your already dating the “next” thing? How did you process the break up and learn from what went wrong? If your already dating the “next” thing and really how fair is it to “the next thing”?

Serial daters. I don’t understand them. These “next” are they/me just fillers. Someone to keep them company, content, occupied? Do they ever really understand the true meaning of love. I mean REAL love takes time. There are stages and even with the loss of a love there are stages.

I’ve been someones “next” thing and I look back and I totally realize, he was all gung ho and in love so fast, not even over his ex, hell he had never processed anything as he went from her to me. Which I assure you I will never do again. Because from my experience these types, they are in love with the idea of you and when a few months go by and they realize your not really their type, they leave or pull away and you are left heartbroken and alone. Now who is to blame here? Me?  You? Him? Anyone?

The “next” why do we do it, why do we buy into the dream so soon? I mean happily ever after, the key is EVER AFTER, not two weeks or two months later . Do you/me not realize that real love does really take time and men/women who serial date, they will NEVER truly find it. They will just find “the nex thing”…truly sad for them. *sighs*

Below is a GREAT article on serial daters, check it out.

Inside the Mind of a Serial Dater!

 

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~Eggtastic~

Eggs aren’t just for breakfast any more.

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So, your skin is dry and your looking for a remedy. Well do I have something for you to try:

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EGG FACE MASK

Things you will need:

1 raw egg
1 tablespoon of honey
1 tablespoon of sour cream

Directions:

Mix together all the ingredients and slather over your face and neck. Let the mask sit for 15-20 minutes, then rinse with lukewarm water. A foundation brush works awesome but I am face masking on a budget so I use the back of a spoon to get it on smooth and even, but your  fingers will also work just as well.

The “WHY” to the egg mask:

Eggs are packed with protein and lecithin, which is a natural lubricant for the skin. Adding a bit of sour cream to the mix will help slough off any dead skin cells, too. (some people use olive oil instead of the sour cream) I tend to stay away from oil products on my face and hello, I am 44 I need to get as much old dead skin off ast I can, ya know *chuckles*.

Now, before I go any further.

I hope you are now sitting in this mask and waiting the 20 minutes out as I am/was.

Are you gagging yet? I am/was.

Eggs, honey and sour cream mixed together smells rather gross. It is now drying on to my face and around my mouth, and yeah I feel as if I can now taste this combination and definitely smell it *pukes*. But I should mention I have a smell issue. If I smell something different. I get it in my head that is it bad and gag and then smell only that. * I’m a crazy bitch, I guess* shrugs.

12 minutes to go, “Someone help me, I’m going to puke” this getting beautiful is a rough *sighs*.

Oh, did I mention I am also doing my go to super duper eye pad treatment at the same time?

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Beauty recipes courtesyt of http://www.totalbeauty.com

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