Inquiring minds aka me want’s to know.
Whose outfit would you choose and Why….??
~Cock Size~
Does size matter?
What is considered small? What is considered big?
What is too small. I mean can you find pleasure in 4 inches?
Is there a size considered TOO big?
Would you rather half length or girth?
I know, I know. Every small dicked man is now going to comment, it’s how you use it and why yes I do agree with that. I am sorry a 4 inch penis *just laughs*. I just can’t see the pleasure in that *ponders*.
For the reasoning behind “Will a big dick fit”?
Well here is a little info:
The actual vagina is like an elastic band. It is accommodating to the size depending on how relaxed the internal muscles are. Forcing it will cause tearing, forcing it because some other girl “took it all” can result in tearing. The issue is the cervix. You can push and push because technically the vagina will be trying to find a pocket of muscle to allow the penis to go in, and there are slight pockets beside the cervix and uterus, but once the cervix is hit it is basically game over. Either it hurts the woman, porn is a horrible example for this because they are told to keep quiet and just do the shot, but real women can be really hurt by the pain of a cervix getting slammed and therefore say do not push anymore and don’t get me wrong there are REAL women who enjoy the pain in pleasure of it and can take it like a porn star. But that is consensual and between parties involved and they are putting their cervix on the line *nods*.
So, inquiring minds aka Me want to know what you think, Does size matter? I guess whatever your choice have fun, be safe and:
A little cock poem for you, no pun intended!
“LONG IN THIN, GOES WAY IN, SHORT AND THICK, NOW THAT’S A PRICK”. *chuckles*.
~Whino Wednesday~
Well, it’s whino, I mean wine Wednesday.
What is your favorite wine and why?
Providing all you wine lovers a little info on 9 problems only we can relate too!
For all you die hard followers. I promise lots of humorous, snarky blogs are coming. I am just so busy with the ex finally being gone (again) finally out of MY basement. Re-decorating and taking ownership to every closet, space, nook and cranny in this place, this place being MY home. Not to mention, I am spring cleaning 6 months late *sighs*.
I also pretend I am mom of the year to my two teenage girls. they aren’t so impressed with me today though. I guess it’s a problem when I show up with my wine glass in hand, wearing my pjs, hair in a ponytail, no tooth in and in my slippers to pick them up from school?
Sidenote: Simmer down super mom’s. I didn’t really drive with my wine glass in hand. I had my wine in a sippy cup, it throws the cops off *chuckles*.
(Photo courtesy of Pinterest)
~Crazy Doesn’t Cut It~
Teddy has been naughty, it’s time for him to die *giggles*
Oh, HOW I love you Teddy….=)
Crazy does not EVEN begin to describe me *smiles*.
So, Wanna come over and play with Teddy and I?
~I’m the Super Hero~
With Halloween only 11 days away and the fact that I now can’t sit behind this screen too long, too write long blogs, thanks to my bathroom cabinet *shrugs* at least for the next few days. Let’s have some fun. I am going to post some Halloween and other simple bloggger/follower blogs ? I hope everyone get’s involved. Okay tonight’s entry will be “What the” Halloween candy you give out says about you!
Read the chart and meet me at the bottom…..~!!
I am the super hero, woot woot, but yeah I could use a little time for what I deserve for myself, so I am definitely going over to the tycoons house, as I want the BIG candy bars. We all know the houses from year to year who give these out, shit, I write them down, just to make sure we hit those houses first, you do too, right? *chuckles*.
I avoid the houses that give out candy corn, smarties as they are just not my thing, I also hate the witch, who gives you a tooth brush, there is NOTHING fun about getting healthy shit and a toothbrush for Halloweeen, If your a dentist I can see that you may want to get your business logo on it and maybe get the word out, but man add a tycoon candy bar with it, or you just plain suck.
Pop rocks, Pixy Stixx, Reese’s, Fun Dip’s, Blow pops, Tootsie Rolls all good treats, I love the lil princess ring, those are fun, Getting pennies, Boooo, you also suck, go to the dollar tree and trade your pennies in and give us CANDY….! The other candy I could take or leave.
Bubble gum isn’t listed, BUT I love the soft bubble gum you get at Halloween that you want to swallow 3 seconds after eating. Love, Love, Love it!
So NOW it’s your turn, What candy do you give you and what does it say about you?
SIDENOTE: (graphic courtesy of ultimate coupons, I think they are also to blame for the extra “the” in the title *giggles*.
~Please, Don’t be a Cliche~
So, it’s almost that time. Uhhuh Halloween, it is one of my absolute favorite holidays. I started decorating my home 3rd week in September. Anyway, this morning I start looking for some fun Halloween costume ideas, as I refuse to do the hot girl in a slutty costume cliche, EVER. Id rather have a hot poker stuck up my ass. Really I would. Now I’m not judging you for wanting to be a cliche and be naughty Snow White 3 years in a row, along with the 3 million other sexy snow whites, cinderellas, slutty witches, vampiress’, raggedy Ann’s, bar maids etc. I think you got the idea. And btw by slutty I really mean that barely there dress/costume/hotpants that some girls should never wear NOT even on Halloween.
Costumes are kind of like yoga pants, some people think they can wear them, but REALLY you can’t, so do us a favor and please don’t. Let’s talk about this cliche for a moment, what makes people use this Holiday to dress sexy/slutty/ etc. I mean if you can own it and wear it, by all means wear that school girl skirt on a Friday night with some knee highs and Mary Jane’s but stop using halloween as your excuse to do it *nods*. Otherwise its just a lame uncreative excuse for attention, my opinion of course.
Sex Please?
Unless, Hmmm, You are wearing this costume to get laid, then by all means, if this is the ONLY way you can get laid then who am I to deny you pleasure. But please shave your vajayjay, watch where you bend over at the bar, and no I don’t want my pic taken with you. Your impressed with yourself, that doesn’t mean I am.
BUT, with that said, if you are a 300lb hairy man, wearing a snow white costume or any other sexy cliche chick costume, props to you, now this my friend, is hilarious and I do want my pic taken with you, ASAP even *chuckles*
I’m Wonder Woman!
Now, let me state. I am not bashing plus sized chicks. I have seen some full sized women embrace their curves and I applaud this, truly I do. I have more respect for you and your creativity and the love for yourself than buying a cliche costume that will bring unwanted attention to you as everyone will be comparing you to the 110lb, 5’10 blonde wearing it at the other side of the bar. Really I applaud you, the more creative, the better *smiles*
Original and Bold!
I mean this costume screams, fun, confident, bold, outgoing, creative. Can I get my picture with you for my Facebook profile pic? I love when people can take something others often judge and sometimes make fun of and be true to themselves and make something unique with/from it. Costume above an example. Now to you beautiful bodied chicks, I realize you are proud of the hard work you endure 7 days a week by eating only brown rice and salad and working out 2 hours a day, everyday! I mean I understand your need to want to show off that 7,500 boob job, but really with a cliche, show me that your not the dumb bimbo I think you are. Be creative or be funny, either work *pleads with you*.
By all means, If you got it flaunt it with humor, picture above, once again. Can I get my pic with you “cool” funny creative chicks? LoL.
Okay, so now that we are on cliches. Let’s talk about dudes, I may as well not discriminate on cliches. While I appreciate a toned, fit, athletic, HARD, Ooops, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, dude costume cliches. Like I was saying I love that you work hard to look good, but really a costume really says a lot about you and cliche type costumes, tell me ONE thing, that you are boring, no creativity and same old, and yeah you wonder why your going home alone, stuck with hand lotion and your dads old Hustler magazine.
BORING…!!!
Now by all means, you want to get my attention, you want me to come home and rock your socks off, show me something more creative, show me you are “THE MAN” not the hulk or tarzan *yawns*.
But now let me say, picture above, while your body is smoking, I’m actually afraid, no terrified to take or go home with you. Hell I’m afraid to stand even next to you. I will however photo bomb you at some point. But really I am scared, something may come out of my stomach next week or I will start to grow 3 tits and an extra eye *shrieks* There is such a think as truly creepy, this guy has one that contest! (props to him) but yeah he won’t have to worry about the lotion and mag, as he will still be washing makeup off his ding dong 4 hours after bar time *sighs*. Am I twisted or just really perverted, as this picture has me just staring, wondering, pondering his actual penis size?? Wow, look at his calves *blushes*.
God, I’m weird!
Now, if your lucky enough to be a couple, you have it made as there are SO many fun, creative, exciting costumes out there. I am providing a link of some fabulous pics. I do not mind cliches in couple costuming, but I recommend the guy play the girl, the girl play the guy, etc. I will say remember when dressing up, couples in history have been done, way too much, way too often. If hot bodied and bohunk end up together this always leads to a boring ass costume, one is Athena and the other a Greek god (half naked). I’m bored even imagining this. All I can think at this point is wow, two like minded boring ass people are dating. Refer to Dating, Don’t Do It, LoL. I bet your sex/night life is so fun. NOT. Okay, now let me add zombies are so not cool anymore, I know you think your makeup is different than the next 20 zombies next to you at the local Halloween dance, party or bar. But really your JUST another zombie, Yes, your white out contacts are GREAT, but yeah seen it, 100x times even. Themed zombies, maybe okay depending on the twist, but really “The Walking Dead” has been on way too many seasons, so zombies are just cliche and really just passe.
What a PAIR?
Cute pair, huh?
Couple Costuming! (Just a link of some cute ideas, other links at the top of that page)
My all time favorite the cutesy “what the fuck” type costumes, This is when people take something really sweet and make it twisted and crazy. “I love that shit”. *excited smile*. You know the kind that makes the hairs on your arms stand up and you really don’t want to end up in the bathroom at the same time with these costumers, as you JUST don’t know! Really, YOU just might not come out! (Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun)
Seriously, I’m kind of scared~
I generally go with scary, creepy type costumes. Well one year I went as Elvis, not even people I know on an everyday basis knew it was me, until I talked (2 hours later) it could be b/c i had a 9 inch stuffed cock in my white tightie jump suit, hairy chest and a 1/2 mask that I actually glued to my face so it truly looked legit. And yes EVERYONE wanted their pic with Elvis. “Thank you, Thank you very much, I’ll be here all night”. *in my best Elvis voice*. But for the most part I go with something horrifying and scary but that is just me.
My advice be creative and have fun. Pick a theme if dressing with a group, find ideas and give them a twist, look for ideas from current movies, tv shows, news events. I mean an over the top Joan Rivers zombie, holding a stuffed (fake) little long haired chihuahua (like hers), now that I would be down with, morbid and definitely up my alley. *ghoulish smile*.
Take pics, I definitely want to see what you come up with, UNLESS your a cliche, save me, no save all of us from having to block, ignore and make fun of you and your boring costume. You say, “But But But” My snow white has a headband and I payed 55.00 online. Oh what your wearing a headband, sorry I didn’t even see it and really I saw that same costume at Walmart for 19.96. You got ripped off. I hope you at least got lucky. *shrugs*. Oh and I promise to post pics of my Halloween fun. I wouldn’t wan’t you to think I talk the talk but don’t walk the walk *proudly throws her hair back*. “I got this”!
Good luck! I am going to leave you with some photos I found in my search for ideas! There are some super cool ones to OMG really, you left the house wearing that? But hope you enjoy! Bunnies above, I Love, Love, Love. I’m still creeped out.
Costumes on a Budget:
Prego!
Paper Bag Princess!
Pizza Guy!
Costume for your pet?
Look, its a horse!
Banana’s Anyone?
Chi, Chi Chia Pet!
Holy Bajeezus!
Couple Costumes:
Assault and Battery?
Be a Dick and Balls!
Creepy Dollie Costumes: (Id add blood, knife and chaos) and maybe a little red tricycle.
Happy, Crazy!
Kinda Creeped Out!
Cool Mouth!
One for the Guys!
Parent/Kid Costumes:
I need a Drink!
Little Dummy!
Random:
HEAD Anyone?
Water my Flowers?
Let’s go to bed!
If ya gotta Zombie!
Last pic is for all the girls/guys who are going to ignore any of my remarks and expert opinions and dress cliche, well this is for you, you suck and if your going to be a cliche at least be USEFUL!
Piss On You!
OH MY GOD, I was on my way out, really I was, when I thought hey, I forgot a cat costume, as some of you are cat lovers. Anyway I came across this photo.
OMFG.
Seriously, if you have dressed up to match your pet, you seriously need to kick your own ass, I pray to god you don’t take a pic, you don’t go out in public. No one else wants to know how totally boring, cliche and absolutely nutty you are. “AND YES”, you are nutty if you are matching/theming Halloween costumes with your furry friend and apparently you have no life. I am seriously concerned for you. Seriously I am, I would possibly look for therapists in your area ASAP.
Happy Friggin Halloween Season!
~Dating, Don’t Do it~
DATING:
When two people in early stages of a relationship go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple. This sounds simple, right? Well let me tell you, there is NOTHING simple about dating now a days *shrugs*
” I am going to give you 5 good reasons why you do not want to date in 2014.”
1. 20 percent of relationships now start online. That is 1 out of 5. So that means I will meet the potentially next GREAT thing on match.com, bdsm.com, christian.com, geek.com, pervert.com, mommasboy.com, divorcedandbitter.com, bigdick.com, richman4you.com or psycho.com. Wow, this really sounds like a catch I want to bring home to my kids and mom. Well, okay christian.com would be wonderful, for them. However bigdick.com sounds more promising to me *smiles big*. So you sit online for hours, days, weeks, months, years for some and either never meet and have some torrid online love affair or you meet. Which this is gonna go two ways, he is gonna look just like his pics and he is gonna be that wonderful guy he wrote himself to be in his profile or he is gonna be like dating Charles Manson, Well your safer dating Charles Manson as you cant actually be left alone with him. Oh, I forgot this is if he lives even remotely close, if he is on the other side of the world, well then you better hope you met him on richman4you.com as he will have to fly you to see him for visits. Good luck with this one. I have experience with this one, 6 months worth of experience and NO I didn’t find him on richman4you.com. It was bdsm.com *chuckles*.
2.The types of people out there to date: 1. He/She has been married 5x and has 3 sets of kids from 2 sets of wives/hubbies. Why yes, this is what your going to find in the dating scene, as the people you meet are going to be generally middle aged. Hello Stupid, if someone has been married 5x and hasn’t found what they are looking for. They are a serial dater/marrier. Run now and run fast! 2. The young guy looking for the cougar, no he isn’t really looking for a relationship, no matter what he says. He’s looking for sex and maybe even the woman to show him how to do it well even. As we all know “older women make better lovers”. 3. The old guy, and I mean crypt keeper old, who wants barbie on his arm. This one usually has money. And no self respecting Barbie would be caught dead on her grandpa’s arm, Right? I hope they know that money isn’t gonna keep the blood flowing to his flacid penis, so you will be getting NO sex….*eeks* Old men, need to date old women, period. 4.The guy/girl that are so happy and I mean happy, happy, happy, they see sunshine and unicorns, and by meeting they have found their soul mate, their other piece of heaven, the gods from above have answered all their prayers, they fall in love fast and hard. (well we all know its NOT real love) but more the lovey dovey lust good sex love, but hey you cant burst their bubbles. They are” IN” Love in two weeks, and ready to get married in 2 months. Well there is no helping these types. They will either get married and live happily ever after in their house made of graham crackers and candies with frosting rainbows and lemon drop rocks on the side of their door or they realize 3 months into, that they just don’t like each other and then its just sad and dramatic and the break up is long ….as they ohhhhhhh so love each other but just know that this their journey isn’t over. So they must go there own ways. They hug and kiss and thank Buddha above.*slaps both of these people* hard. Blame it on spirituality, *sighs* 5. And this one is the worst, you date the confused guy, he’s not gay, he don’t think. He has no specific type when it comes to girls. But hes 48 never been in a serious relationship, no wives, no kids? Longest gf was 3 months. This is what I refer to as the wont commit guy, this one will just break your heart. So Id cut your losses ASAP. 6.Dun Dun Dun, Dun you get the married guy trying to play single or separated and this guy will be great, he will know how to say all the right things, buy you flowers, trinkets, dinners, wine, that’s on all the NIGHTS he can show up, but but but, Johnny why cant I come over to your house. “Im remodelng Lisa”, Im sick, got the flu”, I got the boys coming over for a boys night, etc” The elusive married man loves you when he can, when his wife is not around. This one is a no brainer, YOU dont ever have a chance to be THE woman, and why would you want to be, He is not the kind of man you can trust. *cuts this ones balls off* run.Okay, touched based a bit on a few of the kinds of people/guys/gals you don’t want to date or that our out there….*shrugs*.
3.Now lets say you have been talking awhile and decide to go out for an innocent dinner.
The minute you see him eat, you are totally grossed out, and now is why not to date reason number 3. Now you have to make up a lie to get out of this awkward awful night, or you could buy a bottle of jack and start drinking, it ALL, then this date may actually get better….*hopes for you*
4.Next Date, handsome hunks drives up, opens the door, wines and dines you, says all the right things, and offers you the finer things in life, food, wine. Now the moment comes, you will want to play it cool, but what you really want is to go home and fuck. *pants* and wipes brow* Damn if you do and damned if you dont, your either gonna be the respectable girl or your gonna be the slutty girl. Who are you? which is it gonna be?
5. Your dates are over and now you either have not heard from the date, except for last tuesday when he wanted to tell you about his dog puking and that he thinks he may be sick. Then we have the one who calls and texts so much, you now need a secretary to take all the messages. I mean they are starting to feel stalker like, “when can I see you again? When can we kiss? When can I have you in my arms, When can I watch you eat? Touch your hair? yeah, this one here, this one will make you NEVER want to date again…effort is great…too much effort just plain creepy/needy and way over the top.
Okay there was just 5 simple reasons not to date in 2014. Let me add a few more:
1. You will have to shave your vajajay and definitely douche, often.
2. You will have to get some condoms or make sure he has them, unless you want to be pregnant in 2015.
3. You will have to deal with his/her ex’s and trust me there is always an ex’s. And you being the next woman.
They will have to know all about you, They will stalk you on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social networks.
4. You will indeed have to put out. No one dates the girl who don’t put out and you will have to do that often.
5. You will have to pretend to sincerely care about subjects they talk about, like anal warts, premature ejaculation, balding issues.
6. You will have to give your life, love and time, so make sure you know what your getting yourself into.
(A Day With Charles Manson may not be something you soon forget if EVER.)
7. The girls will stop calling you as you are now taken material, so girls night invites wont be getting sent to you.
8. ONE moment of unprotected sex, you could be walking around with chlamydia and no that is not a new designer handbag.*sighs*
So, If you still want to date this month, year, decade, good luck, bring mace, condoms, and make sure 911 is on your speed dial. Get some good razors, and I recommend “summers eve’ country flowers douches…smell oh so nice and give you that really nice fresh feeling. And get yourself a pedicure. Ugly feet are such a turn off and maybe get a contact like the one below, stating intenton, LoL
Have each other fill this out~
Where's My Xanax? 