Where's My Xanax?

~Cupid’s Coming~

Inquiring Minds aka Me, wants to know….??

cupid

 

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~How to drink champagne like a PRO~

time-to-drink-champagne-rockett-st-george

Okay it never occurred to me that there is a proper way to drink champagne, who knew? What happened to shake, pop the top off (while not taking someones eye out) and drinking it straight from the bottle and then passing, Who uses glasses? I surely haven’t *chuckles* at least not on New Year’s Eve *shrugs*.

So with the help of Forbes magazine. We are going to Champagne 101 together, of course I will be adding my comments *types proudly*. With this info you are either going to come off as a champagne drinking pro or a drunk.

Okay first off here is a fun fact I did not read here, but that may be useful.

champagne1

A Bottle of opened champagne lasts four hours before it goes flat. Really now…??

I guess I have never had a bottle that has lasted 4 hours. It could be that I am from Wisconsin and as I stated above, I open, guzzle frantically and then pass. That shit is gone in like 2.5 minutes in my neck of the woods *giggles*

Now, lets begin.

1) Safety first:

After you rip off the foil, keep the cage (you know, the small wire thing) on the cork–even after you untwist the wire. Once you loosen the cage, make sure you keep one hand over the cork so it won’t accidentally pop off.

Uhmm put your hand over the cork? Really. Why does this sound like a dumb idea to me. Is it the hair color?

2) Spin the bottle:

Don’t twist the cork. Instead take a tight grip of the cork (cage loosened, but still on) and twist the base of the bottle–this gives you a much better hold–until you slowly remove the cork. (Someone says: there’s no shame in popping corks; after all champagne is about fun–just don’t aim at someone’s head.)

This one made me chuckle as the minute they said spin the bottle. My thoughts were not on champagne *smiles*.

3) Chill out, just not too much:

Americans drink our champagne too cold. The ideal temperate to serve champagne is 50 degrees. Most of our refrigerators run at about 45 degrees, so once you open a bottle, let it sit out in the open–don’t drown it in a bucket of ice, the freezing temperatures lock-up flavors.

Now I am not for warm anything to drink unless its coffee, hot chocolate or tea, but how does one know the temperature of champagne. As I am not walking around with a thermometer in my pocket, purse, etc and oh it locks out flavor putting it on ice. I guess when guzzling you don’t take the time to enjoy the flavor. Wait, am I drinking wine here or champagne?

4) Grip and rip:

Grip your hand around the base of the bottle (if your hands are too small you can press your thumb on the indent on the bottom) for good balance and tilt the glass at a 45 degree angle to pour the wine along the side of the glass; this reduces the foam.

Jesus that sounded like directions to a hand job *shrieks* and reduces foam, I thought the foamy stuff is what you want to drink, guzzle. Man I really am not doing this whole drinking champagne thing properly.

Below is a video of another way NOT to open champagne.

Am I the ONLY one thinking this girl looks way too young to be in a room full of guys with a bottle of champagne, that has got to be non alcoholic, Right? *Ponders*

5) Say no to flutes:

Most places serve champagne in flutes–the glasses have cache and shows off the bubbles well. The trouble is flutes are terrible for tasting the wine–the shape prevents enough oxygen from getting into the glass to open up the champagne and worst of all, it blocks the aromas from reaching your nose which in turn limits the flavor. Heline uses glasses custom made for Krug. If you can’t find those, a simple white wine glass will do the trick.

"Say NO to flutes"

“Say NO to flutes”

Maybe its just me, but I like the flutes, makes me feel all lady like and stuff. So boo to NO flutes! Hell I even use the plastic flutes on an occasion, you know, the ones that the stem falls off and you now look like a drunk champagne drinker because you spilled your glass on someone or something. “Sorry Aunt Bea about that 50 yr old lace*…tries to wipe if off with spit and the bottom of my dress. *sighs and pouts a little*.

6) Sniff and sip:

Don’t be afraid to bury your nose in the glass before your first sip–so much our of taste comes from smell. Have a taste and note the flavor. After that gently swirl your glass on the table and taste again, noting the subtle flavors the swirling has released.

“Sniff it, before you drink it” that really is going to be MY new motto in 2015. I’m laughing over here, really I am!

7) Don’t over-think it:

Champagne is meant for celebrations–so relax and have a blast!

Celebrating, uhmmmmmmm…??

e5c02b3032bb7533dfcd33cab68f7bdf

Sidenote:

Okay great, don’t over think it? Really now?  Forbes you have me worrying about gripping tight, not spraying, not drinking out of the proper glass and now taste, smell this leads me to over think which is the best, what brand, what kind, how much? I mean how many bottles per person.

I hope this info was useful to you, as it completely hasn’t been for me, I like the flutes. I like it cold. I have never smelled my champagne, but OH I’m gonna from now on *chuckles and sniffs and sips* and don’t forget its NOT just a party drink.

"DRINK up"

“DRINK up”

Happy Champagne Drinking My Friends…~!!

2 Comments »

~Santa Baby~

Nooooooooooooooooooo, NOT AGAIN….~!!

screams

“Screamsssssssssssssss” I swear if I hear this version or any other version of this song one more time. I may go completely insane, yank my own hair out maybe even. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a grinch or a buh humm-bugger but this song is just over played. I have not gotten into my car once without hearing this. What happened to Jingle Bells or Do they know it’s Christmas time, anything besides this song. It makes me want to put hot pokers in my eyes or rip my ears off, lol. Help me Lord, NO MORE SANTA BABY, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!!!

“SITS ON SANTA’S LAP”

santa22

Dear Santa,

I have been good.

I even sat on your lap.

You smiled and bounced me around and told me.

I indeed was a very good little girl.

You Assured me you would bring me what I wanted this year as you groped my breast.

So, PLEASE kidnap all currently living singers of “Santa Baby” and hide them until after xmas, please!

Thank you from the possibly violated girl who was groped and bounced and fondled on your lap!

Zfesb

Happy Holidays….~!!

1 Comment »

~For The Love of a Good Dickie~

dickie

Seriously Cousin Eddie, where did you get that fabulous dickie? I am utterly jealous of how it makes your neck look so slim *chuckles*.

Did you notice how you can clearly see the black square under the white sweater? I am fashion savvy so you know I did *shrieks* at the catastrophe of bad dickie placement.

I loved National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation it is like a right of passage for the holidays. With that said. I am going to list a few of my favorite memories of “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”.

1.

Let's GREASE this thing.

Let’s GREASE this thing.

You have to know that if you grease a metal saucer, bad things are going to happen *smiles*.

Oh Shitttttttttt....!!

Oh Shitttttttttt….!!

Somebody out there needs to make this stuff. Yo scientists! Forget about curing cancer… THIS is what society demands! Sled Lube *giggles*.

2.

shitterwasfull8

Wearing nothing but a short bathrobe, Cousin Eddie stands outside early one winter morning with a cigar in his mouth and a beer in one hand while he empties out the “shitter” from his R/V into a nearby storm sewer. Clark’s neighbor Todd steps outside for his morning jog, but when he sees Eddie raise his beer up in the air and shout, “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!” *this was classic*.

shitter-full

3.

chevysnots

“Snots”

Gotta love the so-called pride and joy of cousin Eddie’s family is a dog called “Snots” – named because of a sinus condition that appears to cause the dog to leak mucus all over its face. This dog was a riot, it made crazy noises while yakking on a bone. Everyone needs a pet like “Snots” *nods*.

4.

Drink Up Clark!

Drink Up Clark!

Everyone needs moose mugs, I can only imagine how good holiday booze tastes in one of these, “Chants” Moose Mugs, Moose Mugs, Moose Mugs. They are the bomb!

Get yours Today! Moose Mugs!

5.

Squirrel!

Squirrel!

It’s the look of ultimate fear overcoming the old man’s face combined with his scream of “SQUIRREL!” that easily makes this one of the greatest moments in the movie *chuckles*.

6.

houselights

Loved the houselights and everything that leads up to the lighting of them, the ONLY gripe I have is, Clark, you realy should of used colored lights *sighs*.

7.

chevytodd7

Absolutely LOVED Todd and Margo the yuppy neighbors, it seems no matter what Clark does, it always somehow results in making Todd and Margo’s life a living hell which is drop dead funny.

8.

The End!

The End!

What were your favorite parts?

 

Sidenote:

chevykid

Did you know this kid NEVER said ONE word…..??

4 Comments »

~What Do YOU Want?~

all-i-want-for-christmas-slide

 

Inquiring minds aka Me wants to know, what do you want for xmas….??

6 Comments »

~Falalala~

Inquiring minds aka me wants to know *ponders*.

grinch

What is your favorite Christmas song?

Do you just like the jingle of it or is there a special meaning?

8 Comments »

~Happy Thanksgiving~

Coming by to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope each and every one of you has a wonderful time with family and friends, sharing good food, good drink and good times. Gobble, Gobble Gobble..~!!

Happy-Thanksgiving-Day-Hd-Wallpaper-2013-001

Sidenote:

It’s important to remember that not everyone is surrounded by large, wonderful families. Some have problems during the holidays and sometimes are overcome with great sadness when they remember the loved ones who are not with them. Many people have no one to spend Holiday times with and are besieged by loneliness..They all need caring thoughts and loving prayers right now…..please take a few minutes to say a lil prayer for these folks. Thank you….~!!

3 Comments »

~Thanksgiving, It Will Cost You~

Here’s a little info no one really probably wanted to know, but yeah READ it anyway, lol.

Okay, I must comment on a few of these facts.

1. Delayed flights really? I fly out of CWA and I have yet to ever leave on time, EVER, so I can’t even imagine on or around the holidays *shrugs*.

2. 5-7 hours preparing Thanksgiving dinner, Golden Corral is looking better by the minute.

3. 400 calories in cup of stuffing is insane as it doesn’t even taste that great.

4. 21 million fires, I may have to make Thanksgiving dinner in my garage as I need a new one. Someone have matches? (Just kidding insurance company).

5. 30 miles of walking to burn off the average meal. I guess I’ll only have to take the taxi home from Golden Corral, that’s great news.

6. Is 16 lbs the average turkey and how many people will that typically feed? Anyone know?

7. Another reason I don’t have Thanksgiving dinner. If a turkey takes 4 hours and I want to eat at noon. I have to have that thing prepared and in the oven by 8 am. That is NOT happening anytime soon *chuckles*.

8. Mega Clog, is this in the kitchen or the bathroom? I am almost afraid to know? Just remember this when inviting all your relatives to Thanksgiving dinner, they will all be taking a dump in your bathroom *shrieks and giggles*.

Happy Turkey Facts!

9 Comments »

~Reasons I Don’t Host Thanksgiving~

The reasons I DON”T host Thanksgiving dinner, well besides the fact that I can’t cook. If you remember, I burn fish sticks. Could you imagine me with a turkey and a turkey baster *chuckles* Actually I could think of things to do with a turkey baster, but that is for my later porn edition blog, okay? *smiles*.

Okay so here we go, ready?

1. No one likes my gravy out of the jar. What and how are you supposed to make it, I don’t even own a cook book?

I love this stuff!

I love this stuff!

2. I don’t smoke and have relatives who do, making them stand in 20 below and snow, is that wrong?

3. I have two teenage girls, I have not seen a full set of plates and silverware since the 90’s *sighs* and no one seems to enjoy my paper plates.

4. Is a turkey thermometer really needed to make a turkey.

timer

Ill take one for xmas please.

5.The last time I hosted, I uhmm, “What your supposed to take out that package of gibbies in the inside of the turkey”? *shrieks*

(A heads up, you cook that stuff inside the turkey, and your house will smell bad for days)

giblets

6. Stuff the turkey, what the hell is stove top for then?

Was I supposed to put this in the Turkey?

Was I supposed to put this in the Turkey?

7. Normally on holidays you have that one crazy family member, well when hosted somewhere else, they can kick that person out, they cant when that person is hosting *ha ha ha*.

8.No one shares my love for wine, whiskey and cooking. “shouts, turk the carvey”, (Someone says put the drink down Lisa) *Fine*.

9. My ex doesn’t trust me in an apron and a knife. Well this one, probably for good reason *evily grins*.

apron

10. I once tried making a mince meat pie with left over lunch meat? What, its meat.

Golden Corral never sounded so good, huh?

http://www.goldencorral.com/

Nahh, we go to my mom’s she cooks so amazing and uhhuh she knows how to make gravy even *proud daughter*.

Well before I go, just for shits and giggles. I am going to leave you a recipe and because I said I would NEVER post one. You really better make sure to copy this one down.

All you need to know, to make GREAT gravy.

Happy Turkey Baking.

trukeynow

 

11 Comments »

~How To Cook a Turkey~

MORE TURKEY INFO TODAY!

I thought I would share an old family recipe. So today, It’s how to cook the perfect Turkey.

turkeybake

Happy Carving!

Sidenote: If you really do cook your turkey like this, your family will probably end up and KFC and you will never be invited to another family holiday again or you’ll be the “CRAZY” relative, people only speak about in whispers, giggles and rolled eyes.

5 Comments »

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