Where's My Xanax?

~How to drink champagne like a PRO~

on December 30, 2014


Okay it never occurred to me that there is a proper way to drink champagne, who knew? What happened to shake, pop the top off (while not taking someones eye out) and drinking it straight from the bottle and then passing, Who uses glasses? I surely haven’t *chuckles* at least not on New Year’s Eve *shrugs*.

So with the help of Forbes magazine. We are going to Champagne 101 together, of course I will be adding my comments *types proudly*. With this info you are either going to come off as a champagne drinking pro or a drunk.

Okay first off here is a fun fact I did not read here, but that may be useful.


A Bottle of opened champagne lasts four hours before it goes flat. Really now…??

I guess I have never had a bottle that has lasted 4 hours. It could be that I am from Wisconsin and as I stated above, I open, guzzle frantically and then pass. That shit is gone in like 2.5 minutes in my neck of the woods *giggles*

Now, lets begin.

1) Safety first:

After you rip off the foil, keep the cage (you know, the small wire thing) on the cork–even after you untwist the wire. Once you loosen the cage, make sure you keep one hand over the cork so it won’t accidentally pop off.

Uhmm put your hand over the cork? Really. Why does this sound like a dumb idea to me. Is it the hair color?

2) Spin the bottle:

Don’t twist the cork. Instead take a tight grip of the cork (cage loosened, but still on) and twist the base of the bottle–this gives you a much better hold–until you slowly remove the cork. (Someone says: there’s no shame in popping corks; after all champagne is about fun–just don’t aim at someone’s head.)

This one made me chuckle as the minute they said spin the bottle. My thoughts were not on champagne *smiles*.

3) Chill out, just not too much:

Americans drink our champagne too cold. The ideal temperate to serve champagne is 50 degrees. Most of our refrigerators run at about 45 degrees, so once you open a bottle, let it sit out in the open–don’t drown it in a bucket of ice, the freezing temperatures lock-up flavors.

Now I am not for warm anything to drink unless its coffee, hot chocolate or tea, but how does one know the temperature of champagne. As I am not walking around with a thermometer in my pocket, purse, etc and oh it locks out flavor putting it on ice. I guess when guzzling you don’t take the time to enjoy the flavor. Wait, am I drinking wine here or champagne?

4) Grip and rip:

Grip your hand around the base of the bottle (if your hands are too small you can press your thumb on the indent on the bottom) for good balance and tilt the glass at a 45 degree angle to pour the wine along the side of the glass; this reduces the foam.

Jesus that sounded like directions to a hand job *shrieks* and reduces foam, I thought the foamy stuff is what you want to drink, guzzle. Man I really am not doing this whole drinking champagne thing properly.

Below is a video of another way NOT to open champagne.

Am I the ONLY one thinking this girl looks way too young to be in a room full of guys with a bottle of champagne, that has got to be non alcoholic, Right? *Ponders*

5) Say no to flutes:

Most places serve champagne in flutes–the glasses have cache and shows off the bubbles well. The trouble is flutes are terrible for tasting the wine–the shape prevents enough oxygen from getting into the glass to open up the champagne and worst of all, it blocks the aromas from reaching your nose which in turn limits the flavor. Heline uses glasses custom made for Krug. If you can’t find those, a simple white wine glass will do the trick.

"Say NO to flutes"

“Say NO to flutes”

Maybe its just me, but I like the flutes, makes me feel all lady like and stuff. So boo to NO flutes! Hell I even use the plastic flutes on an occasion, you know, the ones that the stem falls off and you now look like a drunk champagne drinker because you spilled your glass on someone or something. “Sorry Aunt Bea about that 50 yr old lace*…tries to wipe if off with spit and the bottom of my dress. *sighs and pouts a little*.

6) Sniff and sip:

Don’t be afraid to bury your nose in the glass before your first sip–so much our of taste comes from smell. Have a taste and note the flavor. After that gently swirl your glass on the table and taste again, noting the subtle flavors the swirling has released.

“Sniff it, before you drink it” that really is going to be MY new motto in 2015. I’m laughing over here, really I am!

7) Don’t over-think it:

Champagne is meant for celebrations–so relax and have a blast!

Celebrating, uhmmmmmmm…??



Okay great, don’t over think it? Really now?  Forbes you have me worrying about gripping tight, not spraying, not drinking out of the proper glass and now taste, smell this leads me to over think which is the best, what brand, what kind, how much? I mean how many bottles per person.

I hope this info was useful to you, as it completely hasn’t been for me, I like the flutes. I like it cold. I have never smelled my champagne, but OH I’m gonna from now on *chuckles and sniffs and sips* and don’t forget its NOT just a party drink.

"DRINK up"

“DRINK up”

Happy Champagne Drinking My Friends…~!!


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