Where's My Xanax?

~Reasons I Don’t Host Thanksgiving~

on November 12, 2014

The reasons I DON”T host Thanksgiving dinner, well besides the fact that I can’t cook. If you remember, I burn fish sticks. Could you imagine me with a turkey and a turkey baster *chuckles* Actually I could think of things to do with a turkey baster, but that is for my later porn edition blog, okay? *smiles*.

Okay so here we go, ready?

1. No one likes my gravy out of the jar. What and how are you supposed to make it, I don’t even own a cook book?

I love this stuff!

I love this stuff!

2. I don’t smoke and have relatives who do, making them stand in 20 below and snow, is that wrong?

3. I have two teenage girls, I have not seen a full set of plates and silverware since the 90’s *sighs* and no one seems to enjoy my paper plates.

4. Is a turkey thermometer really needed to make a turkey.


Ill take one for xmas please.

5.The last time I hosted, I uhmm, “What your supposed to take out that package of gibbies in the inside of the turkey”? *shrieks*

(A heads up, you cook that stuff inside the turkey, and your house will smell bad for days)


6. Stuff the turkey, what the hell is stove top for then?

Was I supposed to put this in the Turkey?

Was I supposed to put this in the Turkey?

7. Normally on holidays you have that one crazy family member, well when hosted somewhere else, they can kick that person out, they cant when that person is hosting *ha ha ha*.

8.No one shares my love for wine, whiskey and cooking. “shouts, turk the carvey”, (Someone says put the drink down Lisa) *Fine*.

9. My ex doesn’t trust me in an apron and a knife. Well this one, probably for good reason *evily grins*.


10. I once tried making a mince meat pie with left over lunch meat? What, its meat.

Golden Corral never sounded so good, huh?


Nahh, we go to my mom’s she cooks so amazing and uhhuh she knows how to make gravy even *proud daughter*.

Well before I go, just for shits and giggles. I am going to leave you a recipe and because I said I would NEVER post one. You really better make sure to copy this one down.

All you need to know, to make GREAT gravy.

Happy Turkey Baking.




11 responses to “~Reasons I Don’t Host Thanksgiving~

  1. autosoma says:

    Oooooo!!!! We don’t get that Heinz Turkey Gravy here in the UK, I bet it’s dead good on a couple of slices of bread with a generous slabs of sliced turkey from the supermarket cold meat section. Damn I’m really hungry thinking about it

    Liked by 1 person

  2. R. Todd says:

    No. 2… I don’t smoke either, so I have no issue with them having to stand outside and smoke.


  3. hideorgochic says:

    I love Thanksgiving! Last year, a friend and I hosted Thanksgiving dinner (for like 20 people)…it was the most stressful day of our lives! I can say w/ reasonable certainty I won’t be doing that again! This year I’d much rather show up to eat! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh well… I guess if you have a Bojangles near you, you can order the fried turkey and fixins. 😀
    I do love that illustration of the chick with the knife, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Tempest Rose says:

    Hahaha I can SO relate to this post. We get Boston Market or Sushi every year for Thanksgiving.

    Liked by 1 person

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