~Please, Don’t be a Cliche~

So, it’s almost that time. Uhhuh Halloween, it is one of my absolute favorite holidays. I started decorating my home 3rd week in September. Anyway, this morning I start looking for some fun Halloween costume ideas, as I refuse to do the hot girl in a slutty costume cliche, EVER. Id rather have a hot poker stuck up my ass. Really I would. Now I’m not judging you for wanting to be a cliche and be naughty Snow White 3 years in a row, along with the 3 million other sexy snow whites, cinderellas, slutty witches, vampiress’, raggedy Ann’s, bar maids etc.  I think you got the idea. And btw by slutty I really mean that barely there dress/costume/hotpants that some girls should never wear NOT even on Halloween.

Costumes are kind of like yoga pants, some people think they can wear them, but REALLY you can’t, so do us a favor and please don’t. Let’s talk about this cliche for a moment, what makes people use this Holiday to dress sexy/slutty/ etc. I mean if you can own it and wear it, by all means wear that school girl skirt on a Friday night with some knee highs and Mary Jane’s but stop using halloween as your excuse to do it *nods*. Otherwise its just a lame uncreative excuse for attention, my opinion of course.

Sex Please?

Unless, Hmmm, You are wearing this costume to get laid, then by all means, if this is the ONLY way you can get laid then who am I to deny you pleasure. But please shave your vajayjay, watch where you bend over at the bar, and no I don’t want my pic taken with you. Your impressed with yourself, that doesn’t mean I am.

BUT, with that said, if you are a 300lb hairy man, wearing a snow white costume or any other sexy cliche chick costume, props to you, now this my friend, is hilarious and I do want my pic taken with you, ASAP even *chuckles*

I’m Wonder Woman!

Now, let me state. I am not bashing plus sized chicks. I have seen some full sized women embrace their curves and I applaud this, truly I do. I have more respect for you and your creativity and the love for yourself than buying a cliche costume that will bring unwanted attention to you as everyone will be comparing you to the 110lb, 5’10 blonde wearing it at the other side of the bar. Really I applaud you, the more creative, the better *smiles*

Original and Bold!

I mean this costume screams, fun, confident, bold, outgoing, creative. Can I get my picture with you for my Facebook profile pic?  I love when people can take something others often judge and sometimes make fun of and be true to themselves and make something unique with/from it. Costume above an example. Now to you beautiful bodied chicks, I realize you are proud of the hard work you endure 7 days a week by eating only brown rice and salad and working out 2 hours a day, everyday! I mean I understand your need to want to show off that 7,500 boob job, but really with a cliche, show me that your not the dumb bimbo I think you are. Be creative or be funny, either work *pleads with you*.

By all means, If you got it flaunt it with humor, picture above, once again. Can I get my pic with you “cool” funny creative chicks? LoL.

Okay, so now that we are on cliches. Let’s talk about dudes, I may as well not discriminate on cliches. While I appreciate a toned, fit, athletic, HARD, Ooops, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, dude costume cliches. Like I was saying I love that you work hard to look good, but really a costume really says a lot about you and cliche type costumes, tell me ONE thing, that you are boring, no creativity and same old, and yeah you wonder why your going home alone, stuck with hand lotion and  your dads old Hustler magazine.

BORING…!!!

Now by all means, you want to get my attention, you want me to come home and rock your socks off, show me something more creative, show me you are “THE MAN” not the hulk or tarzan *yawns*.

But now let me say, picture above, while your body is smoking, I’m actually afraid, no terrified to take or go home with you. Hell I’m afraid to stand even next to you. I will however photo bomb you at some point. But really I am scared, something may come out of my stomach next week or I will start to grow 3 tits and an extra eye *shrieks* There is such a think as truly creepy, this guy has one that contest! (props to him) but yeah he won’t have to worry about the lotion and mag, as he will still be washing makeup off his ding dong 4 hours after bar time *sighs*. Am I twisted or just really perverted, as this picture has me just staring, wondering, pondering his actual penis size?? Wow, look at his calves *blushes*.

God, I’m weird!

Now, if your lucky enough to be a couple, you have it made as there are SO many fun, creative, exciting costumes out there. I am providing a link of some fabulous pics. I do not mind cliches in couple costuming, but I recommend the guy play the girl, the girl play the guy, etc. I will say remember when dressing up, couples in history have been done, way too much, way too often. If hot bodied and bohunk end up together this always leads to a boring ass costume, one is Athena and the other a Greek god (half naked). I’m bored even imagining this. All I can think at this point is wow, two like minded boring ass people are dating. Refer to Dating, Don’t Do It, LoL. I bet your sex/night life is so fun. NOT. Okay, now let me add zombies are so not cool anymore, I know you think your makeup is different than the next 20 zombies next to you at the local Halloween dance, party or bar. But really your JUST another zombie, Yes, your white out contacts are GREAT, but yeah seen it, 100x times even. Themed zombies, maybe okay depending on the twist, but really “The Walking Dead” has been on way too many seasons, so zombies are just cliche and really just passe.

What a PAIR?

Cute pair, huh?

Couple Costuming! (Just a link of some cute ideas, other links at the top of that page)

My all time favorite the cutesy “what the fuck” type costumes, This is when people take something really sweet and make it twisted and crazy. “I love that shit”. *excited smile*. You know the kind that makes the hairs on your arms stand up and you really don’t want to end up in the bathroom at the same time with these costumers, as you JUST don’t know! Really, YOU just might not come out! (Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun)

Seriously, I’m kind of scared~

I generally go with scary, creepy type costumes. Well one year I went as Elvis, not even people I know on an everyday basis knew it was me, until I talked (2 hours later) it could be b/c i had a 9 inch stuffed cock in my white tightie jump suit, hairy chest and a 1/2 mask that I actually glued to my face so it truly looked legit.  And yes EVERYONE wanted their pic with Elvis. “Thank you, Thank you very much, I’ll be here all night”. *in my best Elvis voice*.  But for the most part I go with something horrifying and scary but that is just me.

My advice be creative and have fun. Pick a theme if dressing with a group, find ideas and give them a twist, look for ideas from current movies, tv shows, news events. I mean an over the top Joan Rivers zombie, holding a stuffed (fake) little long haired chihuahua (like hers), now that I would be down with, morbid and definitely up my alley. *ghoulish smile*.

Take pics, I definitely want to see what you come up with, UNLESS your a cliche, save me, no save all of us from having to block, ignore and make fun of you and your boring costume. You say, “But But But” My snow white has a headband and I payed 55.00 online. Oh what your wearing a headband, sorry I didn’t even see it and really I saw that same costume at Walmart for 19.96. You got ripped off. I hope you at least got lucky. *shrugs*. Oh and I promise to post pics of my Halloween fun. I wouldn’t wan’t you to think I talk the talk but don’t walk the walk *proudly throws her hair back*. “I got this”!

Good luck! I am going to leave you with some photos I found in my search for ideas! There are some super cool ones to OMG really, you left the house wearing that? But hope you enjoy! Bunnies above, I Love, Love, Love. I’m still creeped out.

Costumes on a Budget:

Prego!

Paper Bag Princess!

Pizza Guy!

Costume for your pet?

Look, its a horse!

Banana’s Anyone?

Chi, Chi Chia Pet!

Holy Bajeezus!

Couple Costumes:

Assault and Battery?

Be a Dick and Balls!

Creepy Dollie Costumes: (Id add blood, knife and chaos) and maybe a little red tricycle.

Happy, Crazy!

Kinda Creeped Out!

Cool Mouth!

One for the Guys!

Parent/Kid Costumes:

I need a Drink!

Little Dummy!

Random:

HEAD Anyone?

Water my Flowers?

Let’s go to bed!

If ya gotta Zombie!

Last pic is for all the girls/guys who are going to ignore any of my remarks and expert opinions and dress cliche, well this is for you, you suck and if your going to be a cliche at least be USEFUL!

Piss On You!

OH MY GOD, I was on my way out, really I was, when I thought hey, I forgot a cat costume, as some of you are cat lovers. Anyway I came across this photo.

OMFG.

Seriously, if you have dressed up to match your pet, you seriously need to kick your own ass, I pray to god you don’t take a pic, you don’t go out in public. No one else wants to know how totally boring, cliche and absolutely nutty you are. “AND YES”, you are nutty if you are matching/theming Halloween costumes with your furry friend and apparently you have no life. I am seriously concerned for you. Seriously I am, I would possibly look for therapists in your area ASAP.

Happy Friggin Halloween Season!

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