Where's My Xanax?

~What, You Don’t Like Porn?~

on January 23, 2015

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It never occurred to me that not everyone enjoys porn? I mean really, how is that even possible? I mean this is the Sex and the city generation. Girls can screw freely and not be considered sluts, we can talk about masturbation, cock size, blow jobs and anal sex but bring up that you love porn and yep, you now have 12 less facebook friends and people are pointing at you at walmart  *sighs*.

There goes my chance for mom of the year again and that PTA has told me they won’t need my help for the annual school play. I mean really. I wasn’t gonna do porn. I just like watching porn *chuckles*.

So with that said. I figured I would make a top 10 list, why porn rocks for all you holy roller, up tight frugal bitches, lol as there is no way men can even be grouped in this. Because yeah, ALL men love porn, Right? *ponders*.

Before I begin, Mom you may not want to read this one!

Okay, are you ready?

Number 1:

It’s a way to live out secret fantasies, without being ganged banged by 8 guys in the local Super 8 or sharing your partner with the ladies at book club night.

Number 2:

It’s an Equal Opportunity Employer:

Granted you are 18 and over….ok not too much over. I do not want to see saggy anything *shrieks*.

Number 3:

The Camera adds 10 lbs. Okay I meant 10 inches. I mean yeah we “women” can say we don’t like to see manhood, but yeah WE all know that we do *nods and wipes the drool from my mouth*.

Number 4:

It cum’s to you! No PUN intended, okay pun intended *smiles*

Number 5:

It’s a great prequel to your relationship, sex life, etc. Okay uptight chicks I know your saying. I don’t need that, maybe not, but watch it and see how much better your sex life is and how much better you man does you, Really I dare you to do it and than get back to me. I’ll be waiting for the OMG this chick was SO right.

Number 6:

It can keep you more focused. You know watch and play along or should I say screw along *giggles*. I mean women over think  usually. I mean ever romp and be thinking about the fact you have to take the dog out, what you need for dinner groceries and oh shit I left laundry in the dryer and this new mascara is awesome. Tell me that is leading you to reach the BIG O, I am guessing no, no and NO.

Number 7:

You can learn new moves. I mean wow. Looks at screen and says, Oh My, she is hanging from the ceiling, with no net. Goes directly into bedroom and sees how I can hang from ceiling *looks around*. Bust out that porn and learn some new moves, your boyfriend’s birthday is tomorrow *smiles*. He will thank you, oh will HE thank you, or thank me and this blog. Sitting bull, ear muffs, bent spoon, big dipper, pirates bounty, twisted doggy *nods* these are all real actual positions. Know how I know, yeah because I just got done watching porn *chuckles*.

Number 8:

It get’s you in the mood, really it does. The ONLY people saying oh hell no, are the people too uptight to check it out, really I would not lead you wrong *well*.

Number 9:

It’s comical. Yes really, Ever see foreign porn or when the lips don’t match. It is a new Friday night comedy. I assure you *busts out laughing*.

Number 10:

It’s FREE.

Okay, If those aren’t enough reasons to get you to watch porn, then you totally suck and there is no fun for you. Now I am not saying to watch porn all day, every day as I don’t want your psych doctor calling me up blaming me for your new addiction. But with an open mind it can be fun.

Happy Porn-ing!

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16 responses to “~What, You Don’t Like Porn?~

  1. autosoma says:

    To bring a total downer on this (and sorry for that) there are a lot of negatives.

    It’s one of the biggest launderers of money for drug cartels and organised crime.

    It’s heavily involved sex trafficking.

    It creates a non consensual abuse stereotype for young men.

    It”s been shown to be a precursor yo the increase in campus rape.

    It”s made white western women less safe abroad because of the perception of their “proclivities”

    There is a significant gender wage gap.

    There is a high correlation between abuse victims and behaviour manipulators between performers and employers.

    Female performers are still perceived as second class citizens.

    Its not that rosey in the land of porn. Having said all that I’m still a massive consumer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ~Lisa~ says:

      wow you just rain on my porn parade. I guess my happy sunshine optimism was looking at the fun side, not the BAD and YUKKY side as with anything in this world, there is always people who use, or find the negativity and bad. I am talking about like minded porn, between couples. Not the guy masturbating all day while his wife is home taking the care of the kids and he hasnt touched her in 3 weeks.

      Like

      • autosoma says:

        Even like minded porn for couples had its problems, one of the few producers that’s I know of is Erica Lust based in Barcelona Spain and she had difficulty raiding cash to make it.

        Maybe if people (aka men) accepted sex as normal daily activity and viewed it as such and recognised that the actors were legitimately acting, we wouldn’t have such divisive issues such as slut-shaming.

        I love porn and am an avid consumer, but consensual couple consumption is in a massive minority, which is a shame.

        Like

      • ~Lisa~ says:

        Well as I said there is an ugly side to almost everything enjoyable now a days…*shrugs*.

        Like

  2. charlypriest says:

    I actually never thought that there where people who have never in their life have watched porn…..to me that is weird. I even watched it with one of my ex girlfriends, although that one was a bit of a freak in bed, which nothing wrong with that.

    Like

  3. disconcerted72 says:

    <—-Man who doesn't watch porn. Okay, I USED to watch, but it got boring to me….very, very boring.

    Like

  4. Jessie says:

    This made me chuckle. I always joke around about porn…I watch it for the story haha but of course, there isn’t actually a story there. There was a statistic that said more women like to watch lesbian porn instead….and I’ll tell you why. Because every time a man goes down on a girl in a porno it looks like he’s eating a cheeseburger….not pleasant.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Karlee says:

    I’m going to be honest here – I don’t like seeing banged up female bits that are so stretched out they look like floppy balloons that have had all the air let out of them.
    I’m no prude – I have a really amazing imagination, and can conjure up some exceptionally dirty scenarios in my head to get me going. And none of them involve wrecked holes that have more mileage on them than a cross country transportation truck.
    I just can’t stand the fake groans and and moans coming from a skanky face that looks bored and/or drugged out of their minds. They’ve probably fucked so much they’re literally numb down there and don’t feel a bloody thing.
    And the way they smack a clitoris and rub it like they are trying to get a stubborn stain out – I’d sucker punch anyone if they treated my delicates like that.
    And of course then there are all the bad things that Autosoma mentioned too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ~Lisa~ says:

      Thanks for replying but here’s a heads up. You can find lots of hot chicks with small unwrecked holes online, movies, etc. Bad voice overs usually go with bad porn. I think you have to be picky if you want to see good porn. I dont say it so literal. I just go with what I enjoy…….~

      Like

  6. FitsofWit says:

    LOL to hanging from the ceiling with no net. Trying some porn positions is a recipe for disaster.

    Liked by 1 person

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