Where's My Xanax?


on January 19, 2015

So, my ex to be’s mother is dying, now mind you she has been battling cancer for awhile. Well battling something as she is combative, untreated and refuses to die or have cancer really. She drinks, a lot. So her being hospitalized poses a problem for her never ending happy hours *shrugs*.

She is strong willed and she is going to live and die on her terms is really how I like to put this as being any other way at this point would be wrong as my blog is about forgiving and forgiveness.

Let’s start with the definition:


verb fər-ˈgiv, fr-

: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)

: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)

Why is it so hard to do sometimes?

As my ex and his brother seem to at this point be un empathetic towards this woman they treat like a stranger, now mind you I did not live the life they have, but I do know people make mistakes, alcoholism is an awful thing. I have seen it from a far so I guess maybe I just sound like a hypocrite to him, them. But I have experienced “the mother in law experience” but I really just think with the news today, its time to forget the past, okay maybe not forget but forgive.

*Stage 4 Brain Cancer* NOW is the time to forgive her for all she didn’t do or did do, after all it is their mom? Am I wrong to think that she had to of done something right, at some point? There had to be good times, Right? I mean come on there always has to be SOME good moments? It’s time to Be ok with things not being perfect. Be ok with the fact she is never going to be all the things you wanted and needed. But right now it is about her. About celebrating all she did do right as I know for a fact she did two things right. Chad and Jay. I mean she gave them life and they grew up to be the men they are today.

I think forgiving someone even at this point, won’t just bring a little sunshine to their mom’s now ending life but peace within themselves? Right? I mean the truth, she is going to die, she is not gonna beat this as she will not allow herself to be treated. To be anything but empathetic, loving and forgiving to me only will bring the What’s if”s, If I had only and regrets later in life?

I believe everyone believes there will be more time, there will be more chances, but sometimes there just isn’t anymore time. This moment will define the rest of your life, what you do, what you choose? It may not seem significant, but it so is.

To allow yourself to forgive is huge in life. it opens up so many possibilities as people really do make mistakes, some people will never be what you want them to be, what you hope them to be, but they are who they are and acceptance and love is the only option. If someone has wronged you, don’t hate, feel sorry for them, for they are probably fighting their own inner battles. Hell, Forgive yourself for actions and mistakes, as everyone and I do mean everyone makes them. To live with hate, anger, bitterness or emptiness is no way to live.

This always seems so easy in theory, to tell someone to forgive, but I guess for some, things, bad memories can’t be undone and in this situation I just feel bad and sad for everyone involved. I have had a few run ins with this woman, but I can tell you one thing. I and my kids will be there, to at least offer a helping hand, heart, anything she want’s and needs. For that is the right thing to do, period. I do hope my ex and his brother can find some peace and comfort in the days to follow. Not so much for her, but for them!

I pray for help, love, peace and guidance for this woman and her boys. I pray that she will find the strength in god before it’s too late. I pray that she will find love and comfort.


*Sidenote* this blog is on my opinion of this situation.


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