Where's My Xanax?

~Barbie, What a Lucky Bitch~

on November 17, 2014

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Barbie, that bitch has it all. Gotta love that bumper sticker and yeah, it’s oh so very true. I mean really, who wouldn’t want barbies life? Here’s a short list of the reason’s I would love to be Barbie.

1. She never has to eat, because really who has time for that shit?

2. When she gets sick of one man, Mattel just makes her a new one and he is always hot.

3. She has dream houses, dream cars and dream vacations and never has to pay for it.

4. She hasn’t had to have a job, ever. 1959 to current.

5. She doesn’t age or gain weight.

6. She never has to shave.

7. Her makeup is built in. What a wonderful thing that would be, huh?

8. Her shoe, purse, clothes and accessories are never ending. Could you imagine?

9. She travels for free. I mean what little girl hasn’t taken Barbie on vacation at some point.

10. She never feels hurt or heartbroken, Hell, that bitch has never even cried.

11. Her shit doesn’t stink and will never have to worry about toliet paper hanging from her pants.

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12. She will never have saggy boobs you have to tuck in her pants.

13. She looks great in 101 different positions. (Quick thinking sexual thoughts, ya perverts) *chuckles*

14. Her hair is never dry. I mean seriously what conditioner is she using?

15. She never has to exercise!

16. Her skin is fabulous, she has never had a zit, EVER!

17. She has never had to deal with a bill collector or salesman/woman via the telephone!

18. She never has to sleep.

19. No box coloring for her, did I mention earlier, how great her hair is?

20. She’s ICON famous!

What did I tell you, Barbie has it all. I can think of a few things I wouldn’t want about Barbie’s life though.

Below are a few.

1. She’s been played with so much, she could be a porn star.

2. She has never had the joy of pregnancy and kids. (okay maybe that is on the plus side, jk)

3. Mattel had to make friends for her.

4. Her sex life!

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Where’s YOUR Penis?

Yeah, that just ruined it for me. I’ll stick to my life, full of diets, exercise, saggy boobs, dry hair, zits, break ups, kids work, sleepless nights, box colors and real men who have uhmm yeah, that. *smiles*.

Did you own a Barbie or Ken/other?

Here are a few facts I bet you didn’t know about Barbie.

Surprising things I bet you didn’t know about Barbie!

 

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5 responses to “~Barbie, What a Lucky Bitch~

  1. disconcerted72 says:

    Lol….that was so funny. I’m giggling so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I dunno about Barbie, but my father wouldn’t let me have a GI Joe ’cause of that b*tch.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Tory Thames says:

    Hilarious! Wouldn’t want to be Barbie. Heck, I never even had one as a kid. “The things…” was funny. I never knew any of that. I was the one that got GI Joe. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • ~Lisa~ says:

      G I joe rocked. I was not a barbie kid for long. I was a tomboy. My girls had them though and I would giggle as they would be naked and in the bathtub with their hair chopped off…lol~

      Liked by 1 person

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