Where's My Xanax?

~Asswipe And The Heat Guy~

on October 29, 2014
The Heat Guy, Ok Its NOT!

The Heat Guy, Ok Its NOT, But let’s pretend it is!

So yeah the heat guy came over today. Did I mention he was totally hot and young? No he is NOT my boyfriend, YET *giggles*. He actually came over to light my fire, I mean furnace as it needed to be lit and I am afraid to do that kind of stuff as I would hate to blow my house up.

So, I let him in and offer him a drink (wine, whiskey, other) okay I am dreaming now *wakes up*.

Ha, I bet you thought I was going to write some hot steamy sex filled blog didn’t you?

Only thing hot and bothered was the furnace I assure you. Back to my story. He comes in the front door. I secure my little ankle biters in the bathroom as I would hate for two 4lb dogs to attack this man *shrieks*. I only sic my dogs on ugly, old guys.

He has to stroll through the living room, the kitchen, and climb over a baby gate I have mounted in the door way to the lower level as it meant to keep the ankle biters from peeing on the downstairs carpet without my knowledge. Free dogs to a good home *just kidding*.

Well first off the poor guy almost bites it trying to climb over. I held back my laughter as he may of hurt himself. That would of been awful as he probably could  sue. But it was funny *laughs about it now* So I follow him into the basement. Okay for some reason my ADHD mind just took me to a dark place as this sounds like it could be the beginning of a horror flick. I did not kill him. He left safely, I promise.

So, he lights my fire, I mean furnace and were making small talk. By small talk I mean talking about the weather and my dungeon. Dungeon is what I called the unfinished part of my basement (that the furnace is in).  Nice guy, really he was, he is not only hot but friendly. I have a heat man crush. It will last all of 2 minutes *nods*.

So, I mention about my upcoming divorce and all, hey I had to let him know this beautiful disaster aka me was available. I promise he had NO wedding ring on, so simmer down married women of the world *chuckles*. He told me he just went through a break up. “Aww, how sad, do you need someone to comfort you? By comfort you, I mean lets have crazy wild afternoon sex before my kids get home”.

AS if, I would say that to complete stranger. I am shy and innocent, Really I am! So we head back upstairs and I walk him to the door and thank him and tell him to have a nice Halloween, blah blah blah. He leaves.

I go in the bathroom to let the ankle biters out and I had toliet paper hanging from the back of my black yoga pants.

So much for me romping the heat guy, huh? *hits myself in the forehead*. “How embarrassing” *mortified once again*.


Moral to the story, once again there isn’t one, btw I use Charmin….=)


33 responses to “~Asswipe And The Heat Guy~

  1. Mike G. says:

    Gotta ask How in the fuck do go around with TP hanging out over the top of your waistband? It’s not like you’re a guy with a hairy nether region. You’ve GOT to practice a more vigilant ass wiping regimen.

    Then again maybe some guys are into that. Okay, probably not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ~Lisa~ says:

      I am so not sure as I am 44 and that/this was a first for me…I do overload with the TP….and probably got up in a hurry at least it was CLEAN tp…~


      • Mike G. says:

        Okay. I should give you a pass on that. Clean IS good.

        Which brings me to a related question, (not presuming you have the definitive answer…)What’s up with anal bleaching? I ran across that concept while watching an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians. I think. Is THAT a problem I should be concerned about?

        Liked by 1 person

      • ~Lisa~ says:

        I saw the concept of that on Family Business which was a show regarding Adam Glasser aka Seymore Butts a porn star and producer. I guess porn stars and rich chicks do it…? LoL


      • Mike G. says:

        Yes I think for porn stars it’s probably quite important. As independent contractors I guess it’s also a business deduction. I wonder if I could try to deduct hand lotion and tissues? Remind me to send an email to my accountant.

        Liked by 1 person

      • ~Lisa~ says:

        I really think its over rated and kind of dumb and to me sounds like 20 years from now could like come back to bite you in the ass no pun intended.


  2. I come here for the times that I need a good laugh. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jsackmom says:

    Bahahaha you’re so awesome!!! I just spit my tea out giggle snorting. 😜


  4. autosoma says:

    Lolz… I once had a similar situation, awesome woman, disaster of a house. I disengaged my eyes,kissed her on the back of her neck and. Well we had fun. Hot guy should have just chilled and so should you. Meh! I’m being a tool here.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve had some pretty embarrassing moments with cute guys, but I think you’ve got me beat.


  6. Jerome Laporte says:

    Love it


    • ~Lisa~ says:

      omg to seeing this name…the hairs on my arms raised up and I was like whoa….always odd to see his name even though I know its your email even yet…~ the heat guy wasnt that hot….just saying…well maybe, I didnt see him in white undies lol.


  7. Mark says:

    ” I only sic my dogs on ugly, old guys.” -bah! I resemble that remark.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I kinda figured that piece of t/p would get overlooked as stuff heated up. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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