Where's My Xanax?

~Omg Parenting 101~

on October 22, 2014

I’m 14 and having a sleep over!

sleepover

This is where my story gets good *chuckles* we decide we are going to drink. Yeah I know bad 14 year olds, anyway. We scrounge up about $4.00 between the 3 of us (most of it being quarters, dimes and nickels) and yes we could get drunk on $4.00 bucks back in the day *smiles*.

tjswan

T.J. Swan

Shitty cheap wine, I think it’s wine? That I was forced to drink as a teenager *I use forced loosely here*.

Mad Dog 20/20

Mad Dog 20/20

Let me state before we go any further, both are absolutely disgusting and I would not recommend either, both will give you gut rot and a headache that is probably 3x worse than a migraine, but when your drinking on 4 bucks, what do you expect?

I know your wondering how did we buy alcohol, well it was easy to find a friends older brother to buy, throw in some gas money and you usually had no problem finding someone *smirks*.

Okay, so were smart teenage drinkers, one person stays sober and makes sure nothing happens to other two. So I am now throwing back Mad Dog and T.j., mixing, drinking straight from the bottle. I know I know *shakes my head*.

Oh yeah, the million dollar question. Where are my parents? Well they went to dinner of course *giggles*. Parents come home a few hours later tops and me and friend are completely drunk. 3rd friend, sober as I stated.

My parents will have none of this, “That’s it Lisa, were taking your friends home!”

david-so-no-p-for-you-o

What, Really? But, But, But, 3 girls in back seat, mom and pop in front. (1984) cutlass supreme, if your wondering. Now one lives a block away, the other 3. These 3 blocks were the worst in my life. Really they were, as I think it took like 20 minutes to go 3 blocks. Oh, did I mention my mom rolled up the windows and turned the heat on and by on I mean full blast. Do you know what happens in a hot car, when your drunk?

cat-vomit

I grab a plastic clothing bag from the floor, it gets ripped out of my hands, as my sober friend is frantically trying to the clothes out of it. 2.5 seconds later I am filling it up with puke. Do you know what happens when one person pukes in the close vicinity of someone else, yes you guessed it, two people are now puking. At this point its 200 degrees in this car, really its 200 degrees *shrieks*. 2 girls are puking and the 3rd sober friend is gagging and trying to NOT puke.

How mom and pop have not started puking, completely baffles me, to this day even *shrugs*.

So, girls get dropped off, I am almost near death. Really I feel like I’m dying, I am now sweaty, smell like puke and really think I may barf again *gags over and over*

Mom and Pop pull in the driveway and I bolt to get out and in the house. I probably brush my teeth and change into pj’s, that part I don’t recall. So I’m thinking “Oh, my aching stomach and head” and crawl into bed. My mom comes in and gives me a bit of a lecture, but not much as I really probably wont even remember “the lecture”. I am like ugh, lesson learned as I feel awful and smell like puke.

goose-puking

You think the story/lesson is over, right? Nope, around 5:30 am. My mother gets me up! Yes, Really first official drunk and now first official hangover and my mom is getting me up this early, wtf right? She says, Lisa how did you like drinking? ” I moan a little and rub my stomach” she says well I got you up because I have something for you to do. Really, at 5:30 am? What could possibly be done at 5:30 am? I am still sick and definitely hungover. Mom says, Lisa take this and hands me a plastic bag. “Now go outside and pick up all the dog shit in the backyard”.

WHAT? Really, pick up the dog shit, mind you this is a different decade, we don’t pick up after ever dropping. There was like so much shit in the backyard. I went from pile to pile gagging, fighting, holding back the puke, as my mom looked on from the window smiling, smoking a cigarette and drinking a Diet Pepsi. She is the devil, lol.

Did I mention, I did’t drink again for a LONG LONG LONG time!

Sidenote: May not be a typical form of punishment, but it sure did work *nods*. But my mom definitely not a  typical woman *loves her*.

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6 responses to “~Omg Parenting 101~

  1. MD 20/20 was just Thunderbird priced 75 cents higher. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ccchanel41 says:

    I was rolling when I saw the MD..hahaha a staple for the underage where I was from..however let’s not knock the Boone’s Farm..I actually liked Strawberry Hill..it is an acquired taste..me, I never touched the Mad Dog..leave me with my Strawberry Hill. Until I could move on to Smirnoff. LOL!!! Now, of course, I fly with the Goose. I love this story ❤ Good friends on dirt roads, love it!

    Like

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