~Ambien, Let the Fun Begin~

Well, after a stretch of sleepless nights, I am about to take some Ambien. I am warning you now in case I try to sleep blog as with Ambien you never know. I have been known to call and have full conversations with my mom while on it. Telling her teenage secrets that I really know I did not or would not want her to know. Like one time I stole my parents motor home and drove it around town picking up other friends. Damn the Ambien, oh and then there was the time I had sex, yeah, not gonna tell that story. *shakes my head in shame*. Or this one time at band camp, I took an ambien, okay not really, but I think you get the idea. Here are a few Ambien facts.

Just The Facts

1. Ambien/zolpidem is used to treat insomnia and/or fuck you up if you’re retarded enough to take it incorrectly. (Seriously, how do you take Ambien incorrectly, Rectally? Snort it?)
2. I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I was sleep-driving and I ended up in a lake.
3. Speaking of which, why am I wet and where is my Pontiac?
4. Ambien is used by some people to get high. These people are to be referred to as “Ambholes.”
5. People misuse Ambien so much that there is a website called : Yeah DON’T want to give you peeps any ideas.

So, I’m terrified, as I have a Buick and I don’t want to end up in the lake. Did I mention, about the guy who went outside in the winter, and froze to death in the snowbank while taking Ambien. Should I possibly wear my winter coat, mittens and Uggs to bed?

And oh my goodness, what if I wake up in my neighbors house with her and her husband. I mean I have no sex life but having Ambien sex would be awful, as how would I know if I enjoyed it even? *shrieks* or worse I could magic wand myself to death or try inserting it, well uhmm yeah that would be awful. “911 I have uhmm a cord, uhmm, HELP now please”.

Damn the Ambien. *nervously swallows* a pill.

A Little MORE Ambien claims:

You may be prone to watching porn but not remembering it.

( I hope I choose FREE porn as that stuff you order on your TV is very pricey!)

You may think that you’ve been abducted by aliens. (Wow, I hope they take me somewhere fun!)

You may fall while walking to the bathroom. (Ouch, that’s gonna leave a mark!)

You may experience sleep masturbation or try to get it on with people or objects.

Hmm, to “PEOPLE”. *ponders taking 2 pills, just kidding!

Okay, some people may take it to a ridiculous extreme!

However, it is recommendable to Google search “Ambien stories” and read some of the stuff.

Did I tell you about the one time I thought I was out partying with my girlfriends, then the Ambien wore off and I was actually in the Walmart parking lot pushing mannequins around in a grocery cart.

A typical night on Ambien.

(*Image courtesy of Cracked*)

Well Hell, I think I may set up a video camera and see what happens, Are you ready?

Let the FUN begin…~!!

SIDENOTE: I dont play video games, so I’ll probably just end up alone, naked with the Hooker!!

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