Where's My Xanax?

~Ambien, Let the Fun Begin~

on October 9, 2014

Well, after a stretch of sleepless nights, I am about to take some Ambien. I am warning you now in case I try to sleep blog as with Ambien you never know. I have been known to call and have full conversations with my mom while on it. Telling her teenage secrets that I really know I did not or would not want her to know. Like one time I stole my parents motor home and drove it around town picking up other friends. Damn the Ambien, oh and then there was the time I had sex, yeah, not gonna tell that story. *shakes my head in shame*. Or this one time at band camp, I took an ambien, okay not really, but I think you get the idea. Here are a few Ambien facts.

Just The Facts

  1. Ambien/zolpidem is used to treat insomnia and/or fuck you up if you’re retarded enough to take it incorrectly. (Seriously, how do you take Ambien incorrectly, Rectally? Snort it?)
  2. I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I was sleep-driving and I ended up in a lake.
  3. Speaking of which, why am I wet and where is my Pontiac?
  4. Ambien is used by some people to get high. These people are to be referred to as “Ambholes.”
  5. People misuse Ambien so much that there is a website called : Yeah DON’T want to give you peeps any ideas.

So, I’m terrified, as I have a Buick and I don’t want to end up in the lake. Did I mention, about the guy who went outside in the winter, and froze to death in the snowbank while taking Ambien. Should I possibly wear my winter coat, mittens and Uggs to bed?

And oh my goodness, what if I wake up in my neighbors house with her and her husband. I mean I have no sex life but having Ambien sex would be awful, as how would I know if I enjoyed it even? *shrieks* or worse I could magic wand myself to death or try inserting it, well uhmm yeah that would be awful. “911 I have uhmm a cord, uhmm, HELP now please”.

Damn the Ambien. *nervously swallows* a pill.

A Little MORE Ambien claims:

You may be prone to watching porn but not remembering it.

( I hope I choose FREE porn as that stuff you order on your TV is very pricey!)

You may think that you’ve been abducted by aliens. (Wow, I hope they take me somewhere fun!)

You may fall while walking to the bathroom. (Ouch, that’s gonna leave a mark!)

You may experience sleep masturbation or try to get it on with people or objects.

Hmm, to “PEOPLE”. *ponders taking 2 pills, just kidding!

Okay, some people may take it to a ridiculous extreme!

However, it is recommendable to Google search “Ambien stories” and read some of the stuff.

Did I tell you about the one time I thought I was out partying with my girlfriends, then the Ambien wore off and I was actually in the Walmart parking lot pushing mannequins around in a grocery cart.

A typical night on Ambien.

(*Image courtesy of Cracked*)

Well Hell, I think I may set up a video camera and see what happens, Are you ready?

Let the FUN begin…~!!

SIDENOTE: I dont play video games, so I’ll probably just end up alone, naked with the Hooker!!

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18 responses to “~Ambien, Let the Fun Begin~

  1. Ha! Hopefully you’ll just get a good night’s rest from it…. Hopefully. 🙂

    Like

  2. Hahahhahahaha— I love that stuff, and this post ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. MeAndDating says:

    In case you haven’t heard of it or tried it: Valerian. You mustn’t: go shopping when hungry, answer emails when angry, go onto dating sites when horny, nor go on dates when on Ambien!

    Like

  4. ikarlee says:

    I couldn’t help but cackle like a madwoman at this post. I love your commentary, particularly the part about partying with mannequins in the Walmart parking lot!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. neilirving says:

    Made me chuckle, hope you got a good nights sleep
    mmm wonder if we can get Ambien in the UK

    Like

    • ~Lisa~ says:

      You dont have Ambien? LoL

      Like

      • neilirving says:

        lol according to Google I probably can get it in the UK 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • ~Lisa~ says:

        Doctors around here are getting more and more anti drugs, Im lucky to get it. But without it I dont sleep, at all.=(

        Like

      • neilirving says:

        Has to be the worst thing not sleeping, I go through phases where I can’t sleep when I’m over worked or worried but most of the time I need Anti Ambien can’t stay awake past 10 pm and it doesn’t matter where I am, pub, friends, night clubs mostly these days the sofa I cant stay awake

        Liked by 1 person

      • ~Lisa~ says:

        Ill trade you, as I can never shut my mind down even when I am exhausted, its a really awful thing. You feel like death warmed over. Ugh to falling asleep everywhere too, thats tough too~

        Like

      • neilirving says:

        Sleep is overrated there is to much to do, when I’m going through periods of not being able to sleep, I stop trying and read, listened to music, blog and try and do all the little things I don’t normally have the time to do, and often find after a week or so I fall back into the routine of passing out at 10pm

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Bren Lee says:

    LOL Too funny gf! I never tried Ambien but do use Melatonin and Ibuprofen PM to help me sleep at night. I’d be afraid I wouldn’t wake up for work with Ambien :/

    Liked by 1 person

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